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Question 4, this is new one, but I hope you can evaluate it to me according to the language usage, delivery, and how the content is organized and understandable even if you do not know the real content in the passage or lecture. v.1

Question 4, this is new one, but I hope you can evaluate it to me according to the language usage, delivery, and how the content is organized and understandable even if you do not know the real content in the passage or lecture. v. 1
According to a great saying that "Health is wealth" means energy plays a crucial role in everyone's life. If a person is strong, his mind is active too. A healthy person can take better decisions than others. Firstly, persons strength depends upon the diet what they are taking and exercises what they are doing. It is very important to everyone to habituate good life style. Secondly, to avoid the stress people must do some exercises like yoga, meditation and the Gym. Thirdly, if people who have good at heart they may also be considered as healthy. In my country people are conscious because they lead their lives in a polluted environment and by taking some responsibilities in a stressful manner. Previously they get sick regularly, and their moods always in a depression. Now they know the awareness of being strong and adopted a better lifestyle by changing their food habits by including more leafy vegetables, reduce meat content and by taking more salads. To avoid stress, best solution does lots of exercise then it will give you physical relaxation which leads to better mental condition also. Clearly, a healthy person is an active in thinking and implementing the ideas. According to my knowledge I changed a lot after doing yoga and adopted a good diet. Before that I get tired for even a small amount of work. It creates irritation and disturbed my family life too. After being healthy I play an important role in my child's growth by being a role model to her like being active. I can take better decisions now compared to previous. To conclude, I want to say that don't neglect your health because strong people are happier. If we lost money, status or anything we will get it back except health. Subsequently, they are maintaining good health by changing food habits and doing exercises.
According to a great saying that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
means energy plays a crucial role in everyone's life. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is strong, his mind is active too. A healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
decisions than others.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
strength depends upon the diet what they are taking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
what they are doing. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to everyone to habituate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
life style.
Secondly
, to avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
like yoga, meditation and the Gym.
Thirdly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at heart they may
also
be considered
as healthy.

In my country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are conscious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a polluted environment and by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities
Consider replacing "in a stressful manner" with the adverb for "stressful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a stressful manner
. Previously they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
regularly
, and their moods always in a depression.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they know the awareness of being strong and adopted a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
lifestyle by changing their food habits by including more leafy vegetables,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
meat content and by taking more salads. To avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
solution does lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
then it will give you physical relaxation which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
mental condition
also
.
Clearly
, a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is an active in thinking and implementing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

According to my knowledge I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot after doing yoga and adopted a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired for even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of work. It creates irritation and disturbed my family life too.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
being healthy I play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in my child's growth by being a role model to her like being active. I can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
decisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
compared to previous.

To conclude
, I want to say that don't neglect your health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happier. If we lost money, status or anything we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it back except health.

Subsequently
, they are maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health by changing food habits and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Question 4, this is new one, but I hope you can evaluate it to me according to the language usage, delivery, and how the content is organized and understandable even if you do not know the real content in the passage or lecture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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