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Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v.1

Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v. 1
In today’s modern world, the majority of people believe that they have a great many of problems in their lifetime to get used to unusual occasions. The reason for it is that a plenty of people are used to live ordinary and they fear to change anything in their lifestyle. In my view, reading books and endeavouring to do new things can be solved to make it simpler. I think the most obvious solution is that we have to read books in order to learn how to adapt to new situations inasmuch as there are so many circumstances in books which depend on getting used to unusual conditions. For example, nowadays pandemic is declared by many governments which associated with contagious virus Covid-19. To my mind, this pandemic is a new situation, because government has not announced such a pandemic for a long time. The main rule of pandemic is that people should stay at home. If someone read the book which is about the situations of pandemic, it would help them in adapting to this condition easily. In addition to this, they would not panic. Consequently, they would pass this pandemic without harmful stuffs. Therefore, books may be beneficial due to the fact that they have lots of information about everything in order to simply for adapting different conditions. Another approach so as to solve this problem is to try to learn different things and carry out them that are related to getting used to situations. For instance, we should work whole day or we don’t do anything during the day, whether we work out with our muscles or we read book throughout a day. In my opinion, these are a variety of situations. By doing this, we would be able to adapt new stuffs as well as conditions. As a result, getting used to infrequent cases would become simpler. That is why, everybody needs to attempt to study and do various things. Last but not least, reading books and trying to learn novelty would lead to adapt to different occasions simply.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they have a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of problems in their lifetime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to unusual occasions. The reason for it is that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ordinary and
they fear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
anything in their lifestyle. In my view, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavouring' is British English.
endeavouring
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things can
be solved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it simpler.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the most obvious solution is that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in order to learn how to adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
inasmuch as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which depend on getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to unusual conditions.
For example
, nowadays pandemic
is declared
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
which associated with contagious virus Covid-19. To my mind, this pandemic is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has not announced such a pandemic for a long time. The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of pandemic is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should stay at home. If someone read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
which is about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
of pandemic, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in adapting to this condition
easily
.
In addition
to this, they would not panic.
Consequently
, they would pass this pandemic without harmful stuffs.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
may be beneficial due to the fact that they have lots of information about everything in order to
simply
for adapting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
conditions.

Another approach
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
solve this problem is to try to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things and carry out them that
are related
to getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
For instance
, we should work whole
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day or
we don’t do anything during the day, whether we work out with our
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
muscles or
we read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
throughout a day. In my opinion, these are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. By doing this, we would be able to adapt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
stuffs
as well
as conditions.
As a result
, getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to infrequent cases would become simpler.
That is
why, everybody needs to attempt to study and do various things.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and trying to learn novelty would lead to adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions
simply
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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