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In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v.7

In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 7
In this modern-day, many people have spent one-third of their life working and agree with the fact that job satisfaction has an indispensable role in living standards. This essay below will discuss what elements have an impact on the way that individuals enjoy their jobs and the truth of job satisfaction in reality. To begin with, plenty of parts would make outstanding contributions in this statement such as superior working conditions and recognition manager. First of all, the circumstance has great influence in superior performances and effects in an individual's emotion. For example, successful companies like Google, Facebook, Alibaba invested a huge amount of money for decorating a joyful and creative place for staff and this decision promoted their development far more than they expected. Secondly, the majority of employees confirmed that the expression of their managers is one of the main elements for choosing jobs. For the explain, if managers regularly give heavy workload and severe criticism for staff, those individuals will tend to reduce performance in work. However, an impeccable working condition still is the daydream with most of the people in the 21st century. There are two things that employees consider in a job is salary and working conditions. Sadly, most well-paid jobs frequently demand their staff to work overtime and require a heavy workload in short duration and lead people to depression. In contrast, companies care little about employee's satisfaction in work and only focus on high performance. Thus, the superior conditions might be achieved by the intellectuals who got great success in their sectors. In conclusion, work satisfaction plays an important role in a happy life. From my point of view, I believe that shortly, people will have more opportunities to approach a high quality of lifestyle.
In this modern-day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have spent one-third of their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
has an indispensable role in living standards. This essay below will discuss what elements have an impact on the way that individuals enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and the truth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in reality.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of parts would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
outstanding contributions in this statement such as superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions and recognition manager.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the circumstance has great influence in superior performances and effects in an individual's emotion.
For example
, successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Google, Facebook, Alibaba invested a huge amount of money for decorating a joyful and creative place for staff and this decision promoted their development far more than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Secondly
, the majority of employees confirmed that the expression of their managers is one of the main elements for choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. For the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, if managers
regularly
give heavy workload and severe criticism for staff, those individuals will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
performance in work.

However
, an impeccable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
still
is the daydream with most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the 21st century. There are two things that employees consider in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions.
Sadly
, most well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
frequently
demand their staff to work overtime and require a heavy workload in short duration and lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to depression.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
about employee's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on high performance.
Thus
, the superior conditions might
be achieved
by the intellectuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
great success in their sectors.

In conclusion
, work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a happy life. From my point of view, I believe that shortly,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more opportunities to approach a high quality of lifestyle.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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