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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.50

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 50
Certain people believe that to improve people's physical condition more gyms and similar infrastructural objects have to be built. Opponents state that these actions will not be productive and other actions have to be made. In my opinion, although sports facilities are increasingly gaining in popularity, they cannot noticeably affect the population's health. Initially, it is obvious that gyms have always been a decent alternative to nightclubs or bars, considering that youngsters are often visitors there. The British Association of Doctors stated that 80% of jobs involve sitting in the office. As we know, our ancestors did a lot of physical works during their lives. Therefore we ought to visit fitness centres to load ourselves with exercises; otherwise, you will be weak and maybe even taken ill. The main problem is the growing number of these facilities does not mean that more visitors will come. Moreover, there are other important aspects of well-being. For example, a proper diet without red meat and sugar might be healthier than a morning jog. The government should pay more attention to advertising healthful organic groceries thereby reducing a consumption of food full of chemicals and pesticides.   Secondly, the concept of fit lifestyle has to be introduced and become a compulsory part of school education. Lastly, to prevent addictions and improve public health prices on alcohol and tobacco products may be increased. In conclusion, to improve public health objects such as swimming pools, stadiums and gyms are required. However other measures focused on healthy diet, advertising organic food or proper education will be more beneficial.
Certain
people
believe that to
improve
people
's physical condition more gyms and similar infrastructural objects
have to
be built
. Opponents state that these actions will not be productive and other actions
have to
be made
. In my opinion, although sports facilities are
increasingly
gaining in popularity, they cannot
noticeably
affect the population's health.

Initially
, it is obvious that gyms have always been a decent alternative to nightclubs or bars, considering that youngsters are
often
visitors there. The British Association of Doctors stated that 80% of jobs involve sitting in the office. As we know, our ancestors did
a lot of
physical works during their
lives
.
Therefore
we ought to visit fitness
centres
to load ourselves with exercises;
otherwise
, you will be weak and maybe even taken ill. The main problem is the growing number of these facilities does not mean that more visitors will
come
.

Moreover
, there are other
important
aspects of well-being.
For example
, a proper diet without red meat and sugar might be healthier than a morning jog. The
government
should pay more attention to advertising healthful organic groceries thereby reducing a consumption of food full of chemicals and pesticides.
 
Secondly
, the concept of fit lifestyle
has to
be introduced
and become a compulsory part of school education.
Lastly
, to
prevent
addictions and
improve
public health prices on alcohol and tobacco products may
be increased
.

In conclusion
, to
improve
public health objects such as swimming pools, stadiums and gyms
are required
.
However
other measures focused on healthy diet, advertising organic food or proper education will be more beneficial.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 50

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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