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Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. v. 1
Smoking is dangerous for health and it evolves lung cancer and subsequent death. In recent years people are using tobacco as a fashion. Some people say that making illegal in the public is the only solution. While others insist on other ways to deal. In my opinion, the adequate way to prevent is the enforcement of a handsome amount of penalty and banned for teenagers. On the one hand, some people argue for other ways to handle it. According to survey almost, 40% of the World population is drug addicted. This is the responsibility of the Government. First and foremost, the State should impose some strict rules to the Tobacco companies. Furthermore, banned for adults. Moreover, time to time awareness programs conducted such as Tv shows and seminars about the tobacco companies and their consequence. On the other hand, some people say that making illegal in the public is the best way. However, the consequences of smoking can be deleterious to anyone. For example, like a bus stop on every road same as a smoking area must be there. As a result, the public will be safe from these addicted people's acts. Besides, if anybody breaks the rule, the best way is a penalty. By doing so everyone will follow the laws. In summary, there is no doubt that tobacco is a silent killer. I believe that the element which is more considerable to reduce the level of addiction is a penalty. In this way, the chances of reduction are more and increase in fear also.
Smoking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for health and it evolves lung cancer and subsequent death. In recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
as a fashion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that making illegal in the public is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others insist on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to deal. In my opinion, the adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
is the enforcement of a handsome amount of penalty and banned for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to handle it. According to survey almost, 40% of the World population is drug addicted. This is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.
First
and foremost, the State should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Furthermore
, banned for adults.
Moreover
, time to time awareness programs conducted such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and seminars about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and their consequence.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that making illegal in the public is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
However
, the consequences of smoking can be deleterious to anyone.
For example
, like a bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
on every road same as a smoking area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be there.
As a result
, the public will be safe from these addicted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's acts.
Besides
, if anybody breaks the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
is a penalty. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone will follow the laws.

In summary, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
is a silent killer. I believe that the element which is more considerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of addiction is a penalty. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, the chances of reduction are more and increase in fear
also
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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