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Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. v. 1
In recent years, with the advancement in technology of mobile phones and cell phones, many people think that face to face interaction among masses has ruined. I completely agree with the notion because they can talk as well as send messages through mobile phones. To comments with, social distancing has increased significantly with the development of Technology because people can share information by talking on cell phones. Besides, they can interact with anyone by sitting in their homes, so they need not travel any distance. For example, in a recent survey conducted by TRAI, it is found that the number of phone calls has increased substantially as compared to the past, that is sixty percent. In other words, talking on mobile phones has increased, thus the reduction in personal interaction. Moreover, with development in technology, there are several applications have developed through which they can do messaging and even do video calls. Further, they can create groups in the applications, and they can add their friends and can do group chatting and video calling. For instance, WhatsApp is one of the most famous applications that people use to interact with their friends and family members. They can not only send messages, but also do video calls with the help of it. Thereby they hardly connect with their peers personally. To summarise, the technology has destroyed the social interactions among people as they can talk and chat through these devices. In my opinion, social interaction has reduced due to technology.
In recent years, with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that face to face interaction among masses has ruined. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can talk
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages through mobile phones.

To comments with, social distancing has increased
significantly
with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share information by talking on cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Besides
, they can interact with anyone by sitting in their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need not travel any distance.
For example
, in a recent survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
TRAI
, it
is found
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls has increased
substantially
as compared to the past,
that is
sixty percent.
In other words
, talking on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has increased,
thus
the reduction in personal interaction.

Moreover
, with development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, there are several applications have developed through which they can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go messaging".
do messaging
and even do video calls.
Further
, they can create groups in the applications, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
their friends and can do group chatting and video calling.
For instance
, WhatsApp is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
applications that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to interact with their friends and family members. They can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do video calls with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it. Thereby they hardly connect with their peers
personally
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the social interactions among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they can talk and chat through these devices. In my opinion, social interaction has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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