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Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. v. 2
Critics claims that, students should learn about local history and this is more vital than knowing world history, while others believe that teaching world history should be prior than that of local history to provide the bigger picture of history to children for their understandability. In my opinion, I believe that the world history has more vital information than that of local history, because world history is usually talked and used in daily lifestyles compared to the local history. Teaching local history to children seems vital because it provides the general knowledge about their genetic backgrounds, so that it brings more interest to children which can easily draw their attentions. Therefore, some people claim that teaching local history is vital than knowing the world history, which has no direct relation to children. In contrast, the world history has more valuable information than that of local history. Students can easily grasp the full picture of history by learning the world history only. If students only learn about local history, they might not understand the full historical events. Also, students can feel that local history is not that practical compared to world history, because the world history can be the common topic since the local history is the specific topic which can only talk with local people. In my opinion, knowing about the world history has beneficial value than that of local history. When people are talking about the current issue, they would like to refer back in the past in order to compare the current issue. For example, the biggest terror happened in 9/11, every year the USA media or the public referred back to the time of the event and memorial for the loss. If schools only learnt about local history, they would have difficulties understanding with the current issues. Thus, teaching children about the world history is more important than local history for socialization reasons. In conclusion, learning about the local history can easily attract children’s attention by knowing about their family histories. However, world history is more important to learn for children’s socialization reasons, because the world history can be the common issue which can talk in normal daily lives. Hence, it is important to teach children about world history prior to the local history.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "critic claims".
Critics claims
that,
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students
should learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and this is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, while others believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should be
Use "(prior)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
prior
than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to provide the bigger picture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their understandability. In my opinion, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
information than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
usually
talked and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in daily lifestyles compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history.

Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seems
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vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides the general knowledge about their genetic backgrounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it brings more interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which can
easily
draw their attentions.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
Use "(vital)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
vital
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, which has no direct relation to children.

In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has more valuable information than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
easily
grasp the full picture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
by learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
. If
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they might not understand the full historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is not that practical compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can be the common topic since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the specific topic which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has beneficial value than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are talking about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, they would like to refer back in the past in order to compare the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
For example
, the biggest terror happened in 9/11, every year the USA media or the public referred back to the time of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and memorial for the loss. If schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they would have difficulties understanding with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
Thus
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
for socialization reasons.

In conclusion
, learning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
easily
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attention by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
socialization reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can be the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
which can talk in normal daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
prior to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
88Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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