Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. v. 1
Some individuals deem that reconstruction of the long-standing architecture is pricey, consequently, we have to destroy them and install innovative models as a replacement. I strongly believe that we should deconstruct unnecessary structures and at the same time maintain historic monuments. There are two underlying reasons for ruining some archaic constructions. The further justification for this rationale could be aged facilities, like pipes, as well as the technology used for their building, and deficiency of authentic materials; because scarcity of thermal insulation inside of the building undeniably leads to excessive energy consumption and persistent renovation of conveniences. To illustrate this, in developing countries, like mine, our government does not have enough budget funds, so such houses cause a variety of problems. Therefore, they should be destroyed in order to accumulate money and avoid accidents. On the other hand, there are several pros for spending on fixing some of such objects. As long as they could be objects of heritage, it is better for local authorities to renovate them and attract tourists to earn money and make them financially independent. In the long-term perspective, its function is to preserve the memory of historical events. For instance, ancient buildings in Rome millions of visitors every year, contributing to the local budget. In conclusion, if we no longer need some old buildings in terms of heritage, we can easily demolish them, but some worn-out kinds of them should remain and be actively used.
Some
individuals deem that reconstruction of the long-standing architecture is pricey,
consequently
, we
have to
destroy
them and install innovative models as a replacement. I
strongly
believe that we should deconstruct unnecessary structures and at the same time maintain historic monuments.

There are two underlying reasons for ruining
some
archaic constructions. The
further
justification for this rationale could
be aged
facilities, like pipes,
as well
as the technology
used
for their
building
, and deficiency of authentic materials;
because
scarcity of thermal insulation
inside of
the
building
undeniably
leads to excessive energy consumption and persistent renovation of conveniences. To illustrate this, in
developing countries
, like mine, our
government
does not have
enough
budget funds,
so
such
houses
cause a variety of problems.
Therefore
, they should be
destroyed
in order to accumulate money and avoid accidents.

On the other hand
, there are several pros for spending on fixing
some
of such objects. As long as they could be objects of heritage, it is better for local authorities to renovate them and attract tourists to earn money and
make
them
financially
independent.
In the long-term perspective
, its function is to preserve the memory of historical
events
.
For instance
, ancient
buildings
in Rome millions of visitors every year, contributing to the local budget.

In conclusion
, if we no longer need
some
old
buildings
in terms of heritage, we can
easily
demolish them,
but
some
worn-out kinds of them should remain and be
actively
used
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that teaching local history to school children is more important than teaching world history to them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts