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some people say that teachers should be paid according to how their students learn. to what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

some people say that teachers should be paid according to how their students learn. v. 1
Some individuals hold the opinion that the teachers' income should be linked with their students learning attainment. This essay disagrees with this view because firstly, it will bring the huge stress on students and does harm to them and secondly, it could stop cooperation environment between educators in schools. This system would impose too much presure on children's and teenagers' lives. In this atmosphere, every teacher will apply any strategy to raise learners' grades, including a lot of homework, occupying break time or PE class to tutor students, and even using physical punishment in sometimes. These methods will make all pupils suffering the huge stress throughout the school age. For example, in Korea, many schools link the teacher's salary with their students' learning achievement, which causes teachers using different ways to force pupils to study. Many teenagers have mental problems and even suisides because of the learning presures. In addition, the system could prohibit development of cooperation atmosphere at school. Some school managers might argue that such policy can stimulate instructors' awareness of competation. However, from a macro-view, in this case, each tutor just would like to guide and help their own students, but who is unwilling to assist any other learner. For instance, in China, some teachers only would like to answer the questions from their own classes' students, while for the other students who want to ask a question, those teachers normally reject to answer. In fact, this is disadvantageous to the all learners' improvement instead. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the view of paying teachers according to their students' learn, because it will bring too much stress on students and it is harmful to school's cooperation atmosphere and inhibite all students' common improvement. It will be interesting to see the consequences of this system applied of some countries in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals hold the opinion that the teachers' income should
be linked
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learning attainment. This essay disagrees with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
, it will bring the huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and does harm to them and
secondly
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
cooperation environment between educators in schools.

This system would impose too much
Possible spelling mistake found.
presure
on children's and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this atmosphere, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
will apply any strategy to raise learners' grades, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
homework, occupying break time or PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to tutor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and even using physical punishment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. These methods will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all pupils suffering the huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age.
For example
, in Korea,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
link the teacher's salary with their students' learning achievement, which causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to force pupils to study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have mental problems and even
Possible spelling mistake found.
suisides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
presures
.

In addition
, the system could prohibit development of cooperation atmosphere at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
managers might argue that such policy can stimulate instructors' awareness of
Possible spelling mistake found.
competation
.
However
, from a macro-view,
in this case
, each tutor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
would like to guide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
who is unwilling to assist any other learner.
For instance
, in China,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would like to answer the questions from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
classes'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, while for the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to ask a question, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
normally
reject to answer. In fact, this is disadvantageous to the all learners' improvement
instead
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree with the view of paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
according to their students' learn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will bring too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and it is harmful to school's cooperation atmosphere and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhibite
all students' common improvement. It will be interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the consequences of this system applied of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay some people say that teachers should be paid according to how their students learn. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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