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the table shows how many people used different form public transport in million between 2010 and 2014. v.1

the table shows how many people used different form public transport in million between 2010 and 2014. v. 1
Global sports events such as the Olympics and the World Cup are incredible opportunities for countries. These iconic ceremonies can provide an economic avalanche of benefits to the host country. Although some may some may argue that expending money on such matter is futile. I strongly believe that hosting these sports events is a boon for the state. First of all, it is very natural that the country receives an enormous amount of publicity and world media's attention. It gives a golden chance for the state to promote their culture and soft power across the globe. Furthermore, every nation feels honoured and prestige of presenting these mega sporting meets because that country will be the centre of the sporting world for the duration of the action. Secondly, these occasions play a paramount role to boost host nation's economic condition because a development like the World Cup and the Olympics require a huge infrastructure and facilities. Hence local government pumps vast amount of money in upgrading existing structures and build new stadiums, airports and roads. Consequently, all these activities generate numerous job opportunities for local people. For example, as per the a report of the Russian government, the Football World Cup 2018 helped to create 50000 jobs in Russia and increased Russian economy by 10%. However, it should not be forgotten that enormous financial and human resources are required to organize a world class event. If anything goes wrong, it will be ignominiously for whole hosting society. Many small and developing nations do not have such luxury of enough resources and if these countries try to put together the mega event by using borrowed money, they will be in debt trap. Hence it is very important that countries should analyse their economic condition and take decision. In conclusion, it is indisputable that hosting an international sports event is a great achievement and it bring many advantages for the host nation. Although it can be a big problem for small and under developing countries.
Global sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup are incredible opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These iconic ceremonies can provide an economic avalanche of benefits to the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that expending money on such matter is futile. I
strongly
believe that hosting these sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a boon for the state.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
natural that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
receives an enormous amount of publicity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
media's attention. It gives a golden chance for the state to promote their culture and soft power across the globe.
Furthermore
, every nation feels
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
and prestige of presenting these mega sporting meets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for the duration of the action.

Secondly
, these occasions play a paramount role to boost host nation's economic condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a development like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup and the Olympics require a huge infrastructure and facilities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pumps vast amount of money in upgrading existing structures and build new stadiums, airports and roads.
Consequently
, all these activities generate numerous job opportunities for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, as per
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
report of the Russian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the Football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup 2018
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to create 50000 jobs in Russia and increased Russian economy by 10%.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
that enormous financial and human resources
are required
to organize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. If anything goes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, it will be
ignominiously
for whole hosting society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and developing nations do not have such luxury of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources and if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to put together the mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
by using borrowed money, they will be in debt trap.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their economic condition and take decision.

In conclusion
, it is indisputable that hosting an international sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is a great achievement and it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for the host nation. Although it can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and under developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the table shows how many people used different form public transport in million between 2010 and 2014. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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