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The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
In the present world, the architecture of a building can or cannot be beneficial for its residents. Some people may be in accord with the conception that the designing of the house impacts the life of humans positively, while others may differ. In my opinion, the influence of design may or may not be advantageous to the people residing in it and requires further deliberation. To commence with, the construction and planning of a building can be fruitful for the living beings there. The reason is that a good sound design encourages proper ventilation and natural light in the house which helps to promote good health of the people. For example, north or east facing houses as per Vastu science, are considered to be prosperous. Hence, the correct planning of the house is of the utmost importance for the residing habitats. On the flip side, a disaster in the architecture of a building can be dreadful for the owner. To put it in another way, a fault in the design can lead to various health and mental problems for the occupants. For instance, people often avoid south-west facing villas because they face the sun at noon, which causes overheating and harm the health. Finally, it is clear from the above explanation that the wrong plan is not beneficial for the residents. In conclusion, the constructional planning of a residence decides its fate, whether it will benefit the owner or not. Thus, the influence of design is either profitable or not for the people living in it.
In the present world, the architecture of a building can or cannot be beneficial for its residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be in accord with the conception that the designing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
impacts the life of humans
positively
, while others may differ. In my opinion, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
may or may not be advantageous to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in it and requires
further
deliberation.

To commence with, the construction and planning of a building can be fruitful for the living beings there. The reason is that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
encourages proper ventilation and natural light in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, north or east facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
as per
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vastu
science,
are considered
to be prosperous.
Hence
, the correct planning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is of the utmost importance for the residing habitats.

On the flip side, a disaster in the architecture of a building can be dreadful for the owner. To put it in another way, a fault in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
can lead to various health and mental problems for the occupants.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
avoid south-west facing villas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they face the sun at noon, which causes overheating and harm the health.
Finally
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the above explanation that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
plan is not beneficial for the residents.

In conclusion
, the constructional planning of a residence decides its fate, whether it will benefit the owner or not.
Thus
, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
is either profitable or not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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