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Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. Do you agree or disagree. v.8

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. v. 8
Schools are the educational backbone for the young generations. Despite the plenty of sources to get information from like the Internet and media, school still represent the main gate of information for the students. The educational system may differ from country to another on what they do focus on. Some schools keep its curriculum updated and wide to contain all the essential knowledge including health-related topics. Health is an important subject to be covered in the school classes. The student needs to build up the basic knowledge regarding diseases and most importantly about prevention of the diseases. They have to understand the concept of prevention is more important than cure. For example, teenagers and elder must be educated about infectious disease transmission routes. A good example for that is avoiding sharing tools that exposed to blood and blood products to prevent diseases like HIV and hepatitis. Another good example is how to prevent the spread of the more common diseases like the flu. Washing hands and using masks are easy, but effective methods. So, schools need to reconsider this issue and give it the priority. Despite the importance of the health, some educational systems are not giving it their attention. That may due to several factors, one of them is that the schedule is already busy with other subjects. Second, They need specialized people to deliver the correct information. Third, They may assume that the other sources are enough to deliver such information, for example: media and Internet. Such factors could make the mission more difficult, but not impossible. In conclusion, Education for the new generation for their health is an important topic to be considered in the school curriculum given the great benefit and outcome will get from it. Disease prevention is definitely one of them. In my opinion, although there are some obstacles, but with extra efforts and good plans, we can overcome them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are the educational backbone for the young generations. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of sources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from like the Internet and media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
still
represent the main gate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for the students. The educational system may differ from country to another on what they do focus on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its curriculum updated and wide to contain all the essential knowledge including health-related topics.

Health is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject to
be covered
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
classes. The student needs to build up the basic knowledge regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and most
importantly
about prevention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the concept of prevention is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than cure. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
about infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
transmission routes. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for
that is
avoiding sharing tools that exposed to blood and blood products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like HIV and hepatitis. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spread of the more common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like the flu. Washing hands and using masks are easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective methods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to reconsider this issue and give it the priority.

Despite the importance of the health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational systems are not giving it their attention. That may due to several factors, one of them is that the schedule is already busy with other subjects. Second, They need specialized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to deliver the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Third, They may assume that the other sources are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deliver such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: media and Internet. Such factors could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the mission more difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not impossible.

In conclusion
, Education for the new generation for their health is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic to
be considered
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the great benefit and outcome will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Disease
prevention is definitely one of them. In my opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with extra efforts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
plans, we can overcome them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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