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Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples from your own experience. v.9

Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 9
It is the belief of some that giving people incentives, according to the level of their production and sales is the most effective way to inspire them to be hard working. It is true money motivates people, however, in my opinion, I completely disagree with this train of thought because loyalty cannot be bought and it breeds Unhealthy work habits. Firstly, financial benefits are sub motivators and not the prime mover in getting employees to put in their best at their jobs. Other factors which stir ambitions, such as a clear path of progression and recognition in the workplace serve as better motivators, as pay can only get one so far. Also, the level of motivation exhibited by individuals depends on their attitude towards achieving tasks, and not necessarily dependent on money. For example, a friend of mine does not earn as much as other employees, however, he enjoys working hard and gets his satisfaction from his personal achievement. Thus, gets his recognition. Secondly, using money as a motivator makes the office environment Unhealthy. In other words, people develop bad habits, some of which include, addiction to financial gains. For example, I once worked with a man who was majorly driven by financial benefits and outshone his colleagues. As a result, he became extremely corny and eventually led to the loss of his job. In conclusion, the use of money as a motivator to work hard is believed by many to be an inspiring factor. I strongly disagree because while financial incentives goes a long way in motivating people, it also breeds bad habits in people.
It is the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incentives, according to the level of their production and sales is the most effective way to inspire them to be
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
. It is true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, in my opinion, I completely disagree with this train of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
loyalty cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
and it breeds Unhealthy work habits.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
benefits are sub
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivators
and not the prime mover in getting employees to put in their best at their jobs. Other factors which stir ambitions, such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
path of progression and recognition in the workplace serve as better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivators
, as pay can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.
Also
, the level of motivation exhibited by individuals depends on their attitude towards achieving tasks, and not
necessarily
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, a friend of mine does not earn as much as other employees,
however
, he enjoys working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
his satisfaction from his personal achievement.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
his recognition.

Secondly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the office environment Unhealthy.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which include, addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
gains.
For example
, I once worked with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who was
majorly
driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
benefits and outshone his colleagues.
As a result
, he became
extremely
corny and
eventually
led to the loss of his job.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivator
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to be an inspiring factor. I
strongly
disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
incentives goes a long way in motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it
also
breeds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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