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Some people say that saving money is a good way and other say that spending money is the best way to enjoy life. Discuss both views and your opinion. v.1

Some people say that saving money is a good way and other say that spending money is the best way to enjoy life. v. 1
In this modern era, parents both have to work to manage their family due to the cost of living in order that we can save some money for our future life. While others are thinking that we can enjoy our life whatever we like to live on this planet. I will discuss both analyses and solutions for this matter. On the one hand, Grant parents trustworthy and take care of their grandchildren. Parents can leave their children with them and they can work with the peace of mind. If we think about the daycare center, then we need to spend minimum 20% of our salary so we can avoid when parents will stay with us. However, Grant parents will take up the big vital role to take care of their children. Although, parents will get influenced by them and also they will come to know that how we can manage with the family and budget to save money as well. we would not need to take tension in our life because we have made preserve life on the half of saving money. On the other hand, Old generation people had five to ten kids. In this scenario that they can not spend more money but current situation people have one or two kids maximum in order that we can enjoy our modernized culture where we can adapt to that life. Generally, if we are locating in city culture, there is no option to save money due to cost of living and lifestyle. Nonetheless, we can spend money to acquire new knowledge that will help us to earn money as well. For instance, people who are all studying in International schools and colleges that overall cost like pay through the nose but once complete their studies that value will be very high. To recapitulate this, people can spend a certain amount to grow their knowledge. however, we have to maintain some bank balance to manage and well grow in future not only us and will help to future generation as well.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to manage their family due to the cost of living in order that we can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for our future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others are thinking that we can enjoy our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whatever we like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on this planet. I will discuss both analyses and solutions for this matter.

On the one hand, Grant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
trustworthy and take care of their grandchildren.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their children with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can work with the peace of mind. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the daycare center, then we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
minimum 20% of our salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can avoid when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will stay with us.
However
, Grant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will take up the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
vital role to take care of their children. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by them and
also
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know that how we can manage with the family and budget to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
would not need to take tension in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have made preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on the half of saving money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had five to ten kids. In this scenario that they can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have one or two kids maximum in order that we can enjoy our modernized culture where we can adapt to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Generally
, if we are locating in city culture, there is no option to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to cost of living and lifestyle. Nonetheless, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to acquire new knowledge that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are all studying in International schools and colleges that
overall
cost like pay through the nose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once complete their studies that value will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.

To recapitulate this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a certain amount to grow their knowledge.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bank balance to manage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
grow in future not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
us and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to future generation as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that saving money is a good way and other say that spending money is the best way to enjoy life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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