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Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of school day. Other believe that students should spend the whole day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reason and details to support your answer. v.2

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of school day. Other believe that students should spend the whole day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reason and details to support your answer. v. 2
Personal training is an essential part of education. There are many people who think, that pupil's should focus on academic studies during the school hours And in this essay I will support my view with examples. On the one hand, those who believe physical training is avoided in school might argue that it Can ruin their academic lesson's. This is because such disputes can create pressure on the students. For example, it is quite common for young people to begin smoking to get rid Out of this problem, but the resulting confrontations with tutors can lead to difficulties with communication afterwards. In contrast, if there is no physical activity in their curriculum, there will be a much greater sense of happiness among people. On the other hand, my view is that this physical exercise is important in school because it can help teenagers to Get out from the hectic schedule. The reason for this is that by having sports they can develop their skills. For instance, a child may grow up in a family of footballer but feel very strongly about the workout. If this child does not voice their opinion, they will be going against their principles. However, if they are willing to engage in physical training with their academic studies, their conscience will be much clearer despite the agony of the argument. In conclusion, despite the danger of damaging pupil's talent, it is my firm belief that along with education extra activities are significant For becoming mature and independently-minded adults.
Personal training is an essential part of education. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that pupil's should focus on academic studies during the school
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hours


And in this essay I will support my view with examples.

On the one hand, those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training
is avoided
in school might argue that it

Can ruin their academic lesson's. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such disputes can create pressure on the students.
For example
, it is quite common for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
smoking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
rid


Out of this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the resulting confrontations with tutors can lead to difficulties with communication afterwards.
In contrast
, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in their curriculum, there will be a much greater sense of happiness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, my view is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Get
out from the hectic schedule.
The reason for this is
that by having sports they can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, a child may grow up in a family of footballer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strongly
about the workout.

If this child does not voice their opinion, they will be going against their principles.

However
, if they are willing to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training with their academic studies, their conscience will be much clearer despite the agony of the argument.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of damaging pupil's talent, it is my firm belief that along with education extra activities are significant

For becoming mature and
independently
-minded adults.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of school day. Other believe that students should spend the whole day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reason and details to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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