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Many problems in schools are aroused by the attitudes of students. Where do these problems come from? What should we do to change the situation? v.1

Many problems in schools are aroused by the attitudes of students. Where do these problems come from? What should we do to change the situation? v. 1
School violence becomes very protrusive in many countries, most of which are caused by the attitudes of students. Some governments and the authorities show great concerns about the problems. From my point of view, these problems are aroused by three factors, the development of society, the influence of family and media and the weakness of school education. The rapid development of the society offers more opportunities for the young students to contact the outside world. Due to the lack of social experience, some youngsters are not capable of distinguishing right from wrong. Curiosity drives them into imitating what they see on TV or from the people around them. Therefore, it is easy for them to be addicted to alcohol, smoking and drugs. Some students even smoke and take drugs at school. Family violence is another major factor causing problems in schools. Family violence hurt children both physically and psychologically. Physically, family violence will hurt their tender body because children are still in the stage of development. Psychologically, physical punishment will hurt children's self-confidence and make them have a tendency of violence. Recently, school gunshots hit the headlines frequently, which should partly be attributed to the family violence. Finally, the weakness of school education is another factor causing school problems. Some schools only stress students' achievements in their study, neglecting their moral education. Therefore, even some top students are apt to stride on the criminal road. To solve these problems, I think we should take the following measures. Firstly, schools should strengthen students' moral education, giving them correct directions and cultivating their ability to tell right from wrong. Secondly, parents should spare some time to communicate with their children, resolving difficulties and troubles for them timely. If the school and family can join hands in solving these problems, I think the students will develop healthily and the environment in schools will become much clearer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
protrusive
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, most of which
are caused
by the attitudes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great concerns about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. From my point of view, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are aroused
by three factors, the development of society, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and media and the weakness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education.

The rapid development of the society offers more opportunities for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to contact the outside world. Due to the lack of social experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters are not capable of distinguishing right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Curiosity drives them into imitating what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on TV or from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.
Therefore
, it is easy for them to
be addicted
to alcohol, smoking and drugs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
even smoke and take drugs at school.

Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is another major factor causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
hurt children both
physically
and
psychologically
.
Physically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
will hurt their tender body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are
still
in the stage of development.
Psychologically
, physical punishment will hurt children's self-confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have a tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
gunshots hit the headlines
frequently
, which should partly
be attributed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
violence.

Finally
, the weakness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education is another factor causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
students' achievements in their study, neglecting their moral education.
Therefore
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are apt to stride on the criminal road.

To solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should take the following measures.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should strengthen students' moral education, giving them correct directions and cultivating their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Secondly
, parents should spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to communicate with their children, resolving difficulties and troubles for them timely. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands in solving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will develop
healthily
and the environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will become much clearer.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many problems in schools are aroused by the attitudes of students. Where do these problems come from? What should we do to change the situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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