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Some people say that parents should encourage thier children to take part in orgainised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opini v.2

Some people say that parents should encourage thier children to take part in orgainised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 2
In the 21st century, parents are involved in their own life so much that they don' t have sufficient time to help their kids. It is believed that a few patrons motivate their children to participate in group activities in their leisure time. However, some people want their kids to learn different ways to keep them busy. In my opinion, I think it is always better to young minds to enroll in the group activities to make themselves competent in soft skills. This essay will discuss both the views in the following paragraphs. When a child participates in a group of people it makes him nervous at first but when he starts talking to the other children and enhance his confidence to face new people. The group activities allow children to learn co-operation and how to share their things like pen, book, etc, with others which increase the chances of inculcating the leadership qualities at an early stage of life. It is surveyed by " NewYork Times" that children as young as 4 years who participate in group activities at schools are likely to succeed in their professional career. Despite being in group activities, it is crucial for the youngsters to know about self-training for their personal goals like their interests in courses, hobbies, sports, and etc. By doing self-assessment they can make their own schedule and they will learn what are the things it is necessary to study which will help them to achieve their goals. Furthermore, children, who are interested in playing soccer or cricket will make their time more productive by including such activities on a daily basis. For example, it is seen that children who learn things on their own to keep them busy don' t share emotions and feeling at ease. To conclude, it is a must for children to participate in group activities to impart soft skills qualities in them at a young age. However, being teaching themselves to occupy with work will make them introvert and make them less socially active.
In the 21st century, parents
are involved
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have sufficient time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids. It
is believed
that a few patrons motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their leisure time.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want their kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them busy. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is always better to young minds to enroll in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
themselves competent in soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will discuss both the views in the following paragraphs.

When a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participates
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
him nervous at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
talking to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and enhance his confidence to face new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
co-operation and how to share their things like pen, book, etc, with others which increase the chances of inculcating the leadership qualities at an early stage of life. It
is surveyed
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewYork
Possible spelling mistake found.
Times&quot
; that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as young as 4 years who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at schools are likely to succeed in their professional career.

Despite being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it is crucial for the youngsters to know about self-training for their personal goals like their interests in courses, hobbies, sports,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. By doing self-assessment they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedule and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
what are the things it is necessary to study which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve their goals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
are interested
in playing soccer or cricket will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their time more productive by including such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on a daily basis.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them busy
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t share emotions and feeling at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

To conclude
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to impart soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
qualities in them at a young age.
However
, being teaching themselves to occupy with work will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them introvert and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them less
socially
active.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage thier children to take part in orgainised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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