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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.15

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 15
Whereas some argue that children should be encouraged by their parents in participating in social activities during free time, others claim that it is fundamental for children to discover by themselves how to fill up their leisure time. In my opinion, while it is important for children to figure it out their own desires, parents should encourage them to participate in group activities. First of all, it is important for a child's developing understanding its own desires. Thus, children need to be given freedom about what to do in their leisure time. For instance, if a child has shown interest in playing football, parents should not only allow but also support the child for doing the activity. Consequently, parents will only be helping their kids on reaching their own desires. On the other hand, the youth are not fully aware about all the possible group activities they can enrol. Hence, it is the parents' duty to encourage the youth on participating in group activities. For example, parents could show to their children some social activities, such as ice hockey, card gaming, or even reading groups. Therefore, by presenting options of group activities for their kids, parents are somehow encouraging their kids to participate in it. In conclusion, free of choice need to be given to children, especially regarding which activities take part in their free time; however, parents need to at least present their children to what activities they can take part in. So, I believe parents should encourage their children to enrol in group activities in leisure time.
Whereas
some
argue that
children
should
be encouraged
by their
parents
in participating in
social
activities
during free
time
, others claim that it is fundamental for
children
to discover by themselves how to fill up their leisure
time
. In my opinion, while it is
important
for
children
to figure it out their
own
desires,
parents
should encourage them to participate in
group
activities.

First of all
, it is
important
for a child's developing understanding its
own
desires.
Thus
,
children
need to be
given
freedom about what to do in their leisure
time
.
For instance
, if a child has shown interest in playing football,
parents
should not
only
allow
but
also
support the child for doing the
activity
.
Consequently
,
parents
will
only
be helping their kids on reaching their
own
desires.

On the other hand
, the youth are not
fully
aware about all the possible
group
activities
they can enrol.
Hence
, it is the parents' duty to encourage the youth on participating in
group
activities
.
For example
,
parents
could
show
to their
children
some
social
activities
, such as ice hockey, card gaming, or even reading
groups
.
Therefore
, by presenting options of
group
activities
for their kids,
parents
are somehow encouraging their kids to participate in it.

In conclusion
, free of choice need to be
given
to
children
,
especially
regarding which
activities
take part
in their free
time
;
however
,
parents
need to at least present their
children
to what
activities
they can
take part
in.
So
, I believe
parents
should encourage their
children
to enrol in
group
activities
in leisure
time
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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