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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both view and give your own opinion v.13

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 13
Today’ children are tomorrow’s future. So, Certain people argue that we need to guide our offsprings how to use the quality time in an advantageous manner. On the opposite side, some folks think that juvenile them self needs to learn how to make them self busy. Firstly, this essay will discuss why it is important to guide the children rather than learn their own and secondly, how learning by own make them strong and mature person. On the one side, guidance through parents or teachers make children a perfect member of the society who can follow the instruction without any doubt. Because parents guide them based on their experience. Moreover, parent or teacher knows how their student or juvenile understands clearly. For example, the child department of the India revealed that 70% of children learn quickly if they taught by their closed people. That is why maybe some think so. On the other side, to be mature enough, it is better if the child learns them self due to their own experience and mistake. This will increase their spirit and knowledge of the life which is must for standout in the today’s world. For instance, the youngest intelligence survey from the India depicted that 50% of youth is successful due to their own learning methods. However, some offsprings may face some health issues like depression. From my point of view, I believe that we should teach them for a certain time period after that leave them alone to obtain some knowledge. Because every time available for them makes them dependable person. In conclusion, juvenile indeed have an opportunity to learn from both the side, but the time and effort is precious. If they guided at the right time and at perfect age them this lead to benefit for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are tomorrow’s future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that we need to guide our
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings how
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Consider replacing "in an advantageous manner" with the adverb for "advantageous"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an advantageous manner
. On the opposite side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that juvenile them self needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them self busy.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
secondly
, how learning by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them strong and mature person.

On the one side, guidance through parents or teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a perfect member of the society who can follow the instruction without any doubt.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
parents guide them based on their experience.
Moreover
, parent or teacher knows how their student or juvenile understands
clearly
.
For example
, the child department of the India revealed that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
quickly
if they taught by their closed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
That is
why maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

On the other side, to be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, it is better if the child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
them self due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience and mistake. This will increase their spirit and knowledge of the life which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for standout in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
For instance
, the youngest intelligence survey from the India depicted that 50% of youth is successful due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
learning methods.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues like depression.

From my point of view, I believe that we should teach them for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period after that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them alone to obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them dependable person.

In conclusion
, juvenile
indeed
have an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from both the side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort is precious. If they guided at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and at perfect age them this lead to benefit for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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