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Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 3
While, certain individuals opine that younger generations helps to earn more profits for a corporation, others feel that elderlies in fact, are the major reason for a firm profit generation. This essay will discuss both views and agrees that older employees with the help of their knowledge and experience aids in increasing the profitability of a company, followed by a reasoned conclusion. It is believed by certain individuals that the organisation can highly profitable by employing younger employees for the various job posts. This is to say, younger workforce is more active and productive, thus, completing all the tasks and projects with greater efficiency and effectiveness. As a result, the organisation will not only increase the profits, but also to become global market leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times showed that 80 percent of the management prefers younger employees as they help in the expansion and increasing profits of the organisation. However, some believe in the notion that aged employees are beneficial for the firm as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the firm. As a consequence, the company will be able to generate long term profits. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times showed that most successful organisations had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years. To conclude, while the benefits of hiring younger staff help in completing projects with efficaciously, some believe that older people help the organization's growth with their unlimited knowledge and expertise. However, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that company in order to expand worldwide and capture more customers should hire older employees because of their level of erudition and skills.
While, certain individuals opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
for a corporation, others feel that
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
in fact, are the major reason for a firm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
generation. This essay will discuss both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of their knowledge and experience aids in increasing the profitability of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

It
is believed
by certain individuals that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
can
highly
profitable by employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for the various job posts. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
workforce is more active and productive,
thus
, completing all the tasks and projects with greater efficiency and effectiveness.
As a result
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to become global market leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80 percent of the management prefers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the expansion and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe in the notion that aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are beneficial for the firm as they have invaluable experience and proficiency. They can contribute this knowledge in boosting the productivity and profitability of the firm. As a consequence, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will be able to generate long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. To elucidate, a recent study done by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most successful
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
had a large portion of their workforce working for them for at least 15 years.

To conclude
, while the benefits of hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in completing projects with
efficaciously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
's growth with their unlimited knowledge and expertise.
However
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in order to expand worldwide and capture more customers should hire older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their level of erudition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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