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Most children have to complete homework when they are at school. Is this a good or a bad thing? v.1

Most children have to complete homework when they are at school. Is this a good or a bad thing? v. 1
Rendering homework to children is a conventional method followed by almost all schools around the world. However, some think doing homework at school often have a positive effect on teenagers rather than at home, I agree with this view for two reasons. One concern in terms of incomplete assignments at home is exposed to extracurricular activities. Nowadays, every parent wants their child to be excelled in activities like singing, dancing, boxing. Since, after spending eight to nine hours in school and followed by tuitions they tend to feel bored. Access to such exercises often creates hidden talent of teenagers under the proper guidance and there is every likelihood to be a singer, boxer, super dancer. Therefore, they are not able to complete the task at home rather at school. The ambience of a home is also responsible to a certain extent for not doing homework. Since everything demand discipline to fulfil task. If child, parents are not on good terms and home environment is unfavourable to him, he will less incline to do an assignment at home. Consequently, he has no choice but to finish given task at school on the same day so as not to get punished. In conclusion, not only do extracurricular activities deter children to complete homework at a given span of time, but also an atmosphere of home does not allow to finish the task at home. Therefore, I agree with the thought that children should do homework at school rather than doing at home.
Rendering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
to children is a conventional method followed by almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
around the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
rather
than at home, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view for two reasons.

One concern in terms of incomplete assignments at home
is exposed
to extracurricular activities. Nowadays, every parent wants their child to
be excelled
in activities like singing, dancing, boxing. Since, after spending eight to nine hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and followed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
they tend to feel bored. Access to such exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
creates hidden talent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
under the proper guidance and there is every likelihood to be a singer, boxer, super dancer.
Therefore
, they are not able to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
at home
rather
at school.

The ambience of a home is
also
responsible to a certain extent for not doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
everything demand discipline to fulfil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
. If child, parents are not on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
terms and home environment is
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
to him, he will less incline to do an assignment at home.
Consequently
, he has no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to finish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on the same day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
punished.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do extracurricular activities deter children to complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
span of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an atmosphere of home does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
at home.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that children should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than doing at home.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most children have to complete homework when they are at school. Is this a good or a bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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