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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 13
Nowadays, there is a tremendous increase in the number of working parents. This trend has led to an ongoing debate on various methods to engage children in their free time. Some people think that the young ones should learn to keep themselves busy on their own as it teaches one to be strong and self-sufficient. While others, including myself, believe that children should take part in the group activities as it improves self-confidence and communication skills of the little ones. This essay will elaborate on my view further and discuss both sides with reasons and relevant examples. On the one hand, some argue that children should learn to engage themselves on their own. For instance, studies show that when put in a difficult situation, children who are alone out-perform children with siblings. This is because single children learn to survive through odds all by themselves and eventually, leads to the development of inner strength. Whereas, the ones with siblings are always protected and guarded by their elder brothers or sisters. It clearly proves that self-engagement makes one to be independent. On the other hand, a few hold an opinion that the organised group activities are better for children in terms of their overall social growth. For example, group activities like 'musical chair' or 'passing the parcel', are designed to instil various aspects such as teamwork, coordination and leadership skills. As a result, one learns to share thoughts and ideas with other people effectively and gradually, boosts self-esteem of little ones among others. Therefore, group activities are an excellent way of engagement for children in their leisure time. To conclude, although self-engagement makes one strong and independent, taking part in group activities makes one sociable and confident. Therefore, I feel schools should provide more such group events or games which improves interactive skills and confidence in the young ones.
Nowadays, there is a tremendous increase in the number of working parents. This trend has led to an ongoing debate on various methods to engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their free time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as it teaches one to be strong and self-sufficient. While others, including myself, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
self-confidence and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This essay will elaborate on my view
further
and discuss both sides with reasons and relevant examples.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to engage themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that when put in a difficult situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are alone out-perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with siblings. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to survive through odds all by themselves and
eventually
, leads to the development of inner strength. Whereas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
with siblings are always protected and guarded by their elder brothers or sisters. It
clearly
proves that self-engagement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one to be independent.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "few holds".
few hold
an opinion that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of their
overall
social growth.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like 'musical chair' or 'passing the parcel',
are designed
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
various aspects such as teamwork, coordination and leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
to share thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
effectively
and
gradually
, boosts self-esteem of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
among others.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are an excellent way of engagement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their leisure time.

To conclude
, although self-engagement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one strong and independent, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one sociable and confident.
Therefore
, I feel schools should provide more such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or games which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
interactive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and confidence in the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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