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Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevan v.2

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. 2
Some people believe that the state should be responsible on what kind of treatment children should receive. However, others feel parents are the ones to decide for their children. To begin with, the state should decide on what type of treatment children should receive. The reason behind this is for a fact that the state is aware of all genuine medical facilities as it regulates them. Therefore, it will recommend the ones entitled to provide services accordingly with certified and accredited health care providers. For example, a child requires to be seen by a specialist, the state has a record of accredited ones hence the child receives the best medical care. It is unlikely for parents as they are not aware of all accredited facilities. Furthermore, the state networks with other countries. There are international conferences annually like global AIDS conferences. As a result, countries share common problems encountered to seek help from others. Following this, they might come up with referral agreements to countries which are able to deal with certain medical challenges. For instance, Botswana refers some of its cancer patients for chemotherapy to South Africa as per agreement. This elucidates why the state should be liable for children’s treatment instead of parents. In contrary, parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should get. Alternative medicine has proven to produce results quickly than conventional medicine. For example, parents with an obese child might opt for gastric by –pass in order for their child to lose weight as fast as possible. So if it was to be decided by the state, it would refer to physical fitness instructors and dieticians which would take a while. That being out clarifies why parents should decide on the treatment their children should get. Moreover, they will satisfied that they were in-charge of their children‘s health. In conclusion, it is worth noting that the state being in control of the treatment that children should receive is fairly clear. However, I assert that both the state and parents should take part.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should be responsible on what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
.
However
, others feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
for their children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
on what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
. The reason behind this is for a fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
is aware of all genuine medical facilities as it regulates them.
Therefore
, it will recommend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
entitled to provide services
accordingly
with certified and accredited health care providers.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
requires to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by a specialist, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
has a record of accredited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receives
the best medical care. It is unlikely for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they are not aware of all accredited facilities.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
networks with other countries. There are international conferences
annually
like global AIDS conferences.
As a result
, countries share common problems encountered to seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others. Following this, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with referral agreements to countries which are able to deal with certain medical challenges.
For instance
, Botswana refers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its cancer patients for chemotherapy to South Africa as per agreement. This elucidates why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should be liable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
instead
of parents.

In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
on what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Alternative medicine has proven to produce results
Use "(quickly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
quickly
than conventional medicine.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with an obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
might opt for gastric by –pass in order for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to lose weight as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if it was to
be decided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, it would refer to physical fitness instructors and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
which would take a while. That being out clarifies why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Moreover
, they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "satisfy"
satisfied
that they were in-charge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children‘s
health.

In conclusion
, it is worth noting that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
being in control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
is
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
However
, I assert that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of treatment their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility. Discus both views and give your opinion. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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