Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility 2
Often, a controversial issue of medical care for children sparks a heated debate among the people; who is responsible for them: the parents or the state. While some people advocate that it is the government to be responsible for the children's health, I would argue that such burden should be bared by the parents, as they understand the physical condition of their children better than anyone. Indeed, the state has abundant resource, such as money to hire medical professionals, to assist the children with a top tier quality of medical treatment. Therefore, it is able to allocate its budget wisely to the public hospitals so as to provide suitable medicine for children; For instance, the Canadian government has announced its recently developed plan to help children who cannot get sufficient medical help due to the family financial reasons; thus creating an opportunity to add a greater value to the society, as children are the important human resource for the future society. However, the responsibility should not be bared by the provincial state. This is because, since the parents know their child's condition better than anyone, they have the right knowledge of what kind of medical provision that their children should receive from the specific medical professionals. For instance, even if the provincial authority can provide sufficient funds to support the public hospital, children who carry rare diseases, such as chronic type illnesses, may not get fully cured if the public hospital lacks a doctor who has the experience with treating a chronic-ill patients. As such, the lack of understanding lead to misguided support; the parents who have done sufficient research for their children should be responsible for the treatment of their children. To conclude, when it comes to the topic of children's medical care, it is imperative that designated person or an organization with a sufficient understanding of the children's illness should be responsible to take care of the children; yet, there is a higher possibility that the person is the parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, a controversial issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sparks a heated debate among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for them: the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or the state. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the children's health, I would argue that such burden should
be bared
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, as they understand the physical condition of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better than anyone.

Indeed
, the state has abundant resource, such as money to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals, to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a top tier quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment.
Therefore
, it is able to allocate its budget
wisely
to the public hospitals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
provide suitable medicine for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
For instance
, the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has announced its recently developed plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
due to the family financial reasons;
thus
creating an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a greater value to the society, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
human resource for the future society.

However
, the responsibility should not
be bared
by the provincial state. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know their child's condition better than anyone, they have the right knowledge of what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
provision that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should receive from the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals.
For instance
, even if the provincial authority can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
funds to support the public hospital,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
carry rare diseases, such as chronic type illnesses, may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fully
cured if the public hospital lacks a doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has the experience with treating a chronic-ill patients. As such, the lack of understanding lead to misguided support; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
research for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the treatment of their children.

To conclude
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the topic of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care, it is imperative that designated person or an organization with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
understanding of the children's illness should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
yet
, there is a higher possibility that the person is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts