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Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v.3

Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v. 3
It is believed that some traditional parenting styles and methods, such as enforcing rules and requiring children’s compliance, are essential to children’s development. However, I share the view that parenting style should be flexible based on the age of children. It is undeniable that strict monitoring is possibly one of the most effective methods in overcoming upbringing difficulties, including protecting children from dangers and guiding them to in the right manner. Children are adventuresome and full of curiosity, making them vulnerable to injuries and accidents. Therefore, rules setting is necessary to protect children from these potential risks. For example, forbidding accessing knives, microwaves or medicines may prevent many unexpected problems from occurring. Furthermore, children are likely to absorb bad behaviors, such as spitting, nose-picking and saying foul language, as they are unable to identify what is the right thing to do. With adults’ intervention, these behaviors could be stopped and professional etiquettes would be developed from their early childhood. However, parental supervision should be lifted gradually as children grow older, especially when it becomes clear that the intervention restrains children’s mental development. Many parents may be stuck in the assumption that their children’s success is synonymous with their superior parenting. Therefore, they tend to push their kids into activities they might not otherwise choose, or impress upon them personality traits that may not come so naturally. This may deprive children of a solid sense of self as well as stifle their innate characters and talents. Even worse, children are unable to make decisions by themselves in the future. As mentioned above, imposing rules on children is determined as much by the age of children. For younger children, parental monitoring is imperative to ensure children’s safety. When children become knowledgeable and responsible with age, rules should be phased out.
It
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional parenting styles and methods, such as enforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
compliance, are essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.
However
, I share the view that parenting style should be flexible based on the age of children.

It is undeniable that strict monitoring is
possibly
one of the most effective methods in overcoming upbringing difficulties, including protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and guiding them to in the right manner.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are adventuresome and full of curiosity, making them vulnerable to injuries and accidents.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
setting is necessary to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from these potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
For example
, forbidding accessing knives, microwaves or medicines may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unexpected problems from occurring.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to absorb
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors, such as spitting, nose-picking and saying foul language, as they are unable to identify what is the right thing to do. With adults’ intervention, these behaviors could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
and professional
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
would
be developed
from their early childhood.

However
, parental supervision should
be lifted
gradually
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow older,
especially
when it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the intervention restrains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents may
be stuck
in the assumption that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
success is synonymous with their superior parenting.
Therefore
, they tend to push their kids into activities they might not
otherwise
choose, or impress upon them personality traits that may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
naturally
. This may deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of a solid sense of self
as well
as stifle their innate characters and talents. Even worse,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions by themselves in the future.

As mentioned above, imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is determined
as much by the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, parental monitoring is imperative to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
safety. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become knowledgeable and responsible with age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should
be phased
out.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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