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Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v.2

Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v. 2
the period of childhood is the most critical stage in the lives of children. Some people think that children must be monitored and under surveillances during their childhood. Others have no such strict rules upon children. However, for many reasons which will be mentioned below, I strongly believe that children must be controlled by their families. The first reason why children have to be put under notice is that they cannot distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. To illustrate, every family is solely responsible for its children behaviour. In other words, their parents must know how and what kind behaviour their children are heading to. Such knowledge will immensely help the family to maintain their children and provide them with a good conduct. Consequently, such children will be of a noble and great behaviour. The second reason why children must undergo strict rules of behaviour is that they are the pioneers of future. In other words, children should be taught and instructed with a good pattern of behaviour which appeals to all those around them. Additionally, the family is the first who can implement such way in order to be able to cope with their lives properly. Hence, having obtained and acquired such good behaviour, children are expected to be the future-makers who will excel in their lives. To recap, it is without denial that children should be subjected to strict rules of behaviour. This will direct them to the right path and will tremendously contribute in shaping their future. So, every family is advised to do the above in order to produce a promising and noble child whose contribution in society will be of great importance.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
period of childhood is the most critical stage in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be monitored
and under
Possible spelling mistake found.
surveillances
during their childhood. Others have no such strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which will
be mentioned
below, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by their families.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be put
under notice is that they cannot distinguish between what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. To illustrate, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
solely
responsible for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
In other words
, their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how and what kind
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are heading to. Such knowledge will
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and provide them with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conduct.
Consequently
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be of a noble and great
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

The second reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
undergo strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is that they are the pioneers of future.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
and instructed with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pattern of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which appeals to all those around them.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the
first
who can implement such way in order to be able to cope with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
properly
.
Hence
, having obtained and acquired such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be the future-makers who will excel in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To recap, it is without denial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be subjected
to strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This will direct them to the right path and will
tremendously
contribute in shaping their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is advised
to do the above in order to produce a promising and noble child whose contribution in society will be of great importance.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should control their children’s behavior from a very young age. What do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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