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Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. v. 1
I agree that, people who are visiting another country should follow the culture of that country. Some may say, Why? This is because the reason for traveling to far places, is to see new places and learn new ways of doing things. Another reason, is to avoid problems. Firstly, the reasons why people travel, is to see places and learn other people's culture. Because of that, the tourists should follow the tradition of the people who are hosting them. This will bring more memorable moments. Moreover, the feeling of being away from home will be easily felt, making the trip more enjoyable. For example, at one point i saw tourists from USA in Swaziland, they were wearing the Swazi traditional attire. Furthermore, they were staying in small round huts without electricity. From their impression, it was really enjoyable. Secondly, some countries have taboos. Similarly, the visited country will have its own taboos which are different from from the that of the tourists. Due to that, it is important for tourists to follow the culture of the hosting people so as to avoid conflicts and problems. For instance it is a taboo to climba Inyanga Mountain, whilst wearing red clothes or shoes. In the past, people used to disappe in the mountain because of culture conflict. Therefore, i agreee that, the visiting people should follow the culture of the country they are visiting. In conclusion, I concur that, tourist must follow the local customs and behavior of the people they have visited, in order to avoid conflicts and problems. Above all, it makes the experience enjoable and fun.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are visiting another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may say, Why? This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the reason for traveling to far places, is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
new places and learn new ways of doing things. Another reason, is to avoid problems.

Firstly
, the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel, is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
places and learn other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the tradition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are hosting them. This will bring more memorable moments.
Moreover
, the feeling of being away from home will be
easily
felt, making the trip more enjoyable.
For example
, at one point
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
in Swaziland, they were wearing the Swazi traditional attire.
Furthermore
, they were staying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
round huts without electricity. From their impression, it was
really
enjoyable.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have taboos.
Similarly
, the visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
taboos which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible typo: you repeated a word
from from
the that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Due to that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid conflicts and problems. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, it".
instance it
is a taboo to
Possible spelling mistake found.
climba
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inyanga
Mountain, whilst wearing red clothes or shoes. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
disappe
in the mountain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
conflict.
Therefore
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
agreee
that, the visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they are visiting.

In conclusion
, I concur that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the local customs and behavior of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they have visited, in order to avoid conflicts and problems.
Above all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the experience
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoable
and fun.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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