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Some people think that people who do physical work should be paid as same as the people who have a high-level degree. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that people who do physical work should be paid as same as the people who have a high-level degree. v. 1
Since the beginning of the twenty first century, the world has faced many environmental issues, such as pollution, the greenhouse effect and depletion of the ozone layer. Therefore, saving the environment is necessary to make the earth more liveable place to live. Some people think that, a change cannot be possible by an individual, only governments and big organizations can do it. However, I totally disagree with this statement, as an individual plays a vital role in saving the earth. To begin with, no events or rules by governments, can be successful without the co-operation of citizens. To be specific, to save the environment, an authority has already increased the frequency of public transport vehicles, but, it is useless if folks do not use it. So, every citizen should be aware and they should increase the use of public transportation to save the fuels and reduce the pollution. Further, individuals can enhance the quality of air, by saplings around their residences, which is eventually, beneficial to the world if all people do it. Moreover, there are certain large companies, who organize several events and seminars to make people aware and provide them useful tips to make their surroundings cleaner. However, these efforts by them, are of no use if people do not participate in it. Though, the change by an individual is not instant and as big as a big organization or the government, but, it can surely affect the environment after a few years. To conclude, any single effort to achieve a better environment, cannot be overlooked. Thus, it is not only the government and big companies, which can make a change, it is also an individual, who is able to change the world by his/her ceaseless efforts.
Since the beginning of the twenty
first
century, the world has faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental issues, such as pollution, the greenhouse effect and depletion of the ozone layer.
Therefore
, saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the earth more liveable place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
cannot be possible by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
organizations can do it.
However
, I
totally
disagree with this statement, as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
plays a vital role in saving the earth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, can be successful without the co-operation of citizens. To be specific, to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, an authority has already increased the frequency of public transport vehicles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it is useless if folks do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every citizen should be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aware and
they should increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transportation to save the fuels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollution.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can enhance the quality of air, by saplings around their residences, which is
eventually
, beneficial to the world if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do it.

Moreover
, there are certain large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, who organize several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and seminars to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware and provide them useful tips to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their surroundings cleaner.
However
, these efforts by them, are of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not participate in it. Though, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is not instant and as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
organization or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it can
surely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
after a few years.

To conclude
, any single effort to achieve a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, cannot
be overlooked
.
Thus
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
, it is
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, who is able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the world by his/her ceaseless efforts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people who do physical work should be paid as same as the people who have a high-level degree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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