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Describe someone you know who does something wellyou should say-who this person is-how you know this person-what they do welland explain why you think this person is so good at doing this v.1

Describe someone you know who does something wellyou should say-who this person is-how you know this person-what they do welland explain why you think this person is so good at doing this v. 1
It is believed in some places that young people should take a break for a year after high school to work or travel. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this approach. On the one hand, there are numerous upsides for taking a year off before starting university education. Firstly, the work experience gained by young people is very beneficial. It can help them get admission into the top universities as well as getting a job later in their career. For instance, most of the companies and the universities give higher priority to the applicants having work experience. Secondly, students can save money for their tertiary education by working for some time. Since they have enough savings before resuming education, students can focus on their studies without worrying about finances. Also, travelling can help students learn different cultures and people behaviours, which can be beneficial for students majoring in humanities courses such as management and Psychology. On the other hand, there are various downsides of taking a long break in education. Firstly, the students might lose focus on their studies when they start working. They might continue their job even after starting classes, so they will not put much effort and time in their courses. This can result in poor grades and failure to pass some courses. Furthermore, some students might decide to skip higher education because they are already earning money. As a result, they will keep working at low paying jobs, and this will negatively affect their careers. For example, many students in London start working in restaurants after college and never resume their education. Moreover, travelling is expensive, and can put young people into financial troubles if they decide to go for exploring world instead of saving for their tuition fees. In conclusion, taking some time off before university has both positives and negatives for young people. Although work experience and travelling are valuable for the students, but travelling is expensive, and working can have a negative effect on the student's career.
It
is believed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take a break for a year after high school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this approach.

On the one hand, there are numerous upsides for taking a year off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience gained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
as well
as getting a job later in their career.
For instance
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
give higher priority to the applicants having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can save money for their tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time. Since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
resuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can focus on their studies without worrying about finances.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, which can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
majoring in humanities courses such as management and Psychology.

On the other hand
, there are various downsides of taking a long break in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might lose focus on their studies when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. They might continue their job even after starting classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not put much effort and time in their courses. This can result in poor grades and failure to pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might decide to skip higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already earning money.
As a result
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at low paying jobs, and this will
negatively
affect their careers.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in London
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in restaurants after college and never resume their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is expensive, and can put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into financial troubles if they decide to go for exploring world
instead
of saving for their tuition fees.

In conclusion
, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has both positives and negatives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
are valuable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is expensive, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the student's career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe someone you know who does something wellyou should say-who this person is-how you know this person-what they do welland explain why you think this person is so good at doing this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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