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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v.36

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 36
The majority of people think that music plays a vital role in our modern world, which can get rid of culture and generation differences. In my opinion, I totally agree with this point of view for many reasons. On the one hand, music is likely to broaden people’s horizon to welcome various cultures all over the world. It is needless to say that each country has their own tradition that performs their culture and norms. Tunes can reduce this culture gap and be a good method to help individuals to have a better cooperation with other people. Moreover, we must admit that local accent in many regions is the biggest challenge in communication. However, with a song, this obstacle can be a tiny problem. On the other hand, there is no boundary of age when it comes to music, which gives an everlasting connection between the youngsters and elders. Music is a common ground, considered a popular pastime for almost all ages. This is also the magical psychological therapy for medical treatment. In other words, we can say that melody and its rhythm can heal and gather many people who have the same symptoms to take part in the treatment process. For instance, patients, who have a trouble with their mental health and have a headache from time to time, are encouraged to enjoy meditation music classes to keep their soul balanced. Most people can practice this solution and it does not require any specific ages. We cannot deny the importance of music in our lives and its ability to glue people from a multitude of cultural sectors and ages.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role in our modern world, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and generation differences. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is likely to broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
horizon to welcome various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
all over the world. It is needless to say that each country has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition that performs their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and norms. Tunes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
gap and be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to have a better cooperation with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that local accent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions is the biggest challenge in communication.
However
, with a song, this obstacle can be a tiny problem.
On the other hand
, there is no boundary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which gives an everlasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the youngsters and elders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a common ground, considered a popular pastime for almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. This is
also
the magical psychological therapy for medical treatment.
In other words
, we can say that melody and its rhythm can heal and gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the same symptoms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the treatment process.
For instance
, patients, who have a trouble with their mental health and have a headache from time to time,
are encouraged
to enjoy meditation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their soul balanced. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can practice this solution and it does not require any specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. We cannot deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and its ability to glue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a multitude of cultural sectors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 36

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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