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Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the cause and solutions. v.9

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the cause and solutions. v. 9
The world's biggest cities are alluring new inhabitants the way giant sponges are sucking the water out of their surrounding areas. Despite the various benefits the cities can provide, the life quality suffers under a diverse set of environmental and socioeconomic issues. In this essay, the most prevalent reasons and solutions will be discussed. One of the most critical causes of the shattering standard of living is the worsening of the city dwellers' health due to various environmental pollutants. The smog in the World capitals and other high-density urban areas, for example, Shanghai and Los Angeles has become unbearable for their inhabitants and require the undertaking of hampering measures. The other often mentioned cause is intensified crime events. For that reason people are living under constant fear and threat; leaving them prone to stress related diseases and higher probabilities of falling victims of crimes. For instance, in Latin America's biggest cities, like Sao Paolo, is not recommended for women to walk alone on the streets even during the daylight. For the problems, there are always solutions. Referring back to the pollution problem, the cure has been declared mainly by the means of cleaner energy and transportation systems. Many so-called 'green cities' like Copenhagen are leading the way in the development of higher quality public transports and prioritising the light vehicle traffic. Dealing with crimes is a far more complicated. Psychologists believe that most beautiful, clean and happy external environment can reduce crime levels. Thus, this can be something city planners should look into more deeply when planning our urban areas. But most likely, providing people sufficient amount of opportunities and guidance in their lives would be the most effective prevention measure as far as I believe. To summarise, there are many adversities that can reduce the urban life quality such as environmental pollution and crime; however, there are also opportunities and tools to reduce these effects. Mainly, planning our cities more wisely by taking care of negative environmental and socioeconomic effects to peoples' well-being, is necessary and doable.
The world's biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are alluring new inhabitants the way giant sponges are sucking the water out of their surrounding areas. Despite the various benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can provide, the life quality suffers under a diverse set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
and socioeconomic issues. In this essay, the most prevalent reasons and solutions will
be discussed
.

One of the most critical causes of the shattering standard of living is the worsening of the city dwellers' health due to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollutants. The smog in the World capitals and other high-density urban areas,
for example
, Shanghai and Los Angeles has become unbearable for their inhabitants and require the undertaking of hampering measures.

The other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mentioned cause
is intensified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. For that reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living under constant fear and threat; leaving them prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related diseases and higher probabilities of falling victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For instance
, in Latin America's biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, like
Did you mean "São Paulo" (= city in Brazil)?
Sao Paolo
, is not recommended for women to walk alone on the streets even during the daylight.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
the problems, there are always solutions. Referring back to the pollution problem, the cure has
been declared
mainly
by the means of cleaner energy and transportation systems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called 'green cities' like Copenhagen are leading the way in the development of higher quality public transports and
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
the light vehicle traffic.

Dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is a far more complicated. Psychologists believe that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, clean and happy external environment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
levels.
Thus
, this can be something city planners should look into more
deeply
when planning our urban areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most likely, providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sufficient amount of opportunities and guidance in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
would be the most effective prevention measure as far as I believe.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adversities that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the urban life quality such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
;
however
, there are
also
opportunities and tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these effects.
Mainly
, planning our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
more
wisely
by taking care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
and socioeconomic effects to peoples' well-being, is necessary and doable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the cause and solutions. v. 9

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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