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Some people say that Money makes tha world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v.2

Some people say that Money makes tha world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2
Before and today, at all times, it was difficult to survive and live satisfactory life without money. Personally, I think that money make the world go round. There are a few reasons why I feel this way. One of the reasons is that money facilitate to progress. It is in humans` nature to compeet with each other in order to gain self confidence and become meaningful for themselvs and for public. In the most caces, the person who has more money is considered more successful and reccognized by others. Therefore, this pushes people to make money to excel. If the person is willing to be conspisuous in the society, he is trying to elaborate or invent something new and unusual. This is turn, contributes to the world`s progress and development. Despife of opinion that money is the reason of myriades of conflicts, they make people to think wider and craft new inventions. To that end, money is indispensable force of humans` intellectual evolution. Another reason is that desire to enjoy life by humans make them work and earn money. Different people have different interrests in life. Someone, for instatnce, likes diving and if he lives somewhere in the north states of the United States, he has to fly to warmer states to dive into the ocean. Others, for example, like to travel all around the world, which is very problematically to fullful without expenses. This kind of activities are quite costly and request having a job and making money. Although some of the hobby people have could be done without spendings, most of them are not cheep. So, to live fully enjoyable life people tend to work and earn money, but then spend what the have been made on their favorite activities, this way, making the round. To sum it up, I feel that money ratate the world. This is because they contribute to the evolution of the humans` minds and are necessary to make enjoyable for people thingh hapenning. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that money are crucial element of humans` life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, at all times, it was difficult to survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
go round. There are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I feel this way.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
facilitate to progress. It is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
nature to
Possible spelling mistake found.
compeet
with each other in order to gain
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and become meaningful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
themselvs
and for public. In the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
caces
, the person who has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is considered
more successful and
Possible spelling mistake found.
reccognized
by others.
Therefore
, this pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to excel. If the person is willing to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
conspisuous
in the society, he is trying to elaborate or invent something new and unusual. This is turn, contributes to the
The character between 'world' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "world’s" (curly apostrophe) or "world's" (straight apostrophe).
world`s
progress and development.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Despife
of opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "myriads", the plural form of the noun 'myriad'?
myriades
of conflicts, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wider and craft new inventions. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is indispensable force of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
intellectual evolution.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that desire to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them work and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
interrests
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Someone, for
Possible spelling mistake found.
instatnce
, likes diving and if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
somewhere in the north states of the United States, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
fly
to warmer states to dive into the ocean. Others,
for example
, like to travel all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
problematically
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullful
without expenses. This kind of activities are quite costly and request having a job and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have could
be done
without
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
, most of them are not cheep.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
fully
enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to work and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then spend what the have
been made
on their favorite activities, this way, making the round.

To sum it up, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Possible spelling mistake found.
ratate
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contribute to the evolution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
minds and are necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
enjoyable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
thingh
Possible spelling mistake found.
hapenning
. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are crucial element of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say that Money makes tha world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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