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Some people say that Money makes that world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v.2

Some people say that Money makes that world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2
Before and today, at all times, it was difficult to survive and live satisfactory life without money. Personally, I think that money make the world go round. There are a few reasons why I feel this way. One of the reasons is that money facilitate to progress. It is in humans` nature to compete with each other in order to gain self confidence and become meaningful for themselves and for public. In the most cases, the person who has more money is considered more successful and recognized by others. Therefore, this pushes people to make money to excel. If the person is willing to be conspicuous in the society, he is trying to elaborate or invent something new and unusual. This is turn, contributes to the world`s progress and development. Despite of opinion that money is the reason of myriads of conflicts, they make people to think wider and craft new inventions. To that end, money is indispensable force of humans` intellectual evolution. Another reason is that desire to enjoy life by participating in favorite activities makes humans to work and earn money. Different people have different interests in life. Someone, for instance, likes diving and if he lives somewhere in the north states of the United States, he has to fly to warmer states to dive into the ocean. Others, for example, like to travel all around the world, which is very problematically to fulfill without expenses. This kind of activities are quite costly and request having a job and making money. Although some of the people`s hobby could be done without spending, most of them are not cheep. So, having money lets dreams come true for the people and that way enables them to feel happy. To sum it up, I feel that money rotate the world. This is because they contribute to the evolution of the humans` minds and make people`s life more collorful and pleasant. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that money are crucial element of humans` life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, at all times, it was difficult to survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
go round. There are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I feel this way.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
facilitate to progress. It is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
nature to compete with each other in order to gain
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and become meaningful for themselves and for public. In the most cases, the person who has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is considered
more successful and recognized by others.
Therefore
, this pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to excel. If the person is willing to be conspicuous in the society, he is trying to elaborate or invent something new and unusual. This is turn, contributes to the
The character between 'world' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "world’s" (curly apostrophe) or "world's" (straight apostrophe).
world`s
progress and development.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of myriads of conflicts, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wider and craft new inventions. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is indispensable force of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
intellectual evolution.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that desire to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by participating in favorite activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to work and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Someone,
for instance
, likes diving and if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
somewhere in the north states of the United States, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
fly
to warmer states to dive into the ocean. Others,
for example
, like to travel all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
problematically
to fulfill without expenses. This kind of activities are quite costly and request having a job and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
hobby could
be done
without spending, most of them are not cheep.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and that way enables them to feel happy.

To sum it up, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rotate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contribute to the evolution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
minds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
collorful
and pleasant. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are crucial element of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that Money makes that world go round, others say that money is the root of all evil. Which of these do you agree with? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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