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International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door and with more and more tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages? v.2

International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door and with more and more tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2
As the price of international travel is more affordable, numerous states are trying to open their gate in order to attract more visitors to come to their countries. Both benefits and drawbacks of this issue will be explained in the following paragraphs and I will present my perspective in favour of being more welcome to global holidaymakers. There are several upsides of this effort. First and foremost, it is capable of uplifting nation' s incomes, particularly in their tourism sector. Second but not less crucial, it bestows a new opportunity to their citizen to start a business which is related to tourism. Last but not least, it is able to make their tourism to be more popular rather than previous time. Besides the benefits, there are two downsides by being more opened to foreign visitors. Firstly, this attempt makes their natural culture to be mixed with other nation' s cultures, if they do not conserve their culture properly it will gradually render an impact to their traditions. This effort, Secondly, also provides more chance to prosperous people to have more businesses which will impact impoverished society being more exploited and have a worsen condition. By way of conclusion, I do appreciate the opposing view which believed that this endeavour will give some disadvantages. Nevertheless, from my perspective, it will give more strengths than its weaknesses as I already wrote it above. I do believe by continuing this attempt, those states and its communities are able to earn more incomes and make their tourism being well-known by countless people across the globe.
As the price of international travel is more affordable, numerous states are trying to open their gate in order to attract more visitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their countries. Both benefits and drawbacks of this issue will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs and I will present my perspective in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of being more welcome to global holidaymakers.

There are several upsides of this effort.
First
and foremost, it is capable of uplifting
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s incomes,
particularly
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector. Second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not less crucial, it bestows a new opportunity to their citizen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business which
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
to be more popular
rather
than previous time.

Besides
the benefits, there are two downsides by being more opened to foreign visitors.
Firstly
, this attempt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their natural culture to
be mixed
with other
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s cultures, if they do not conserve their culture
properly
it will
gradually
render an impact to their traditions. This effort,
Secondly
,
also
provides more chance to prosperous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have more businesses which will impact impoverished society being more exploited and have
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'worsen' is correct. If 'worsen' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a worsen
condition.

By way of conclusion, I do appreciate the opposing view which believed that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Nevertheless
, from my perspective, it will give more strengths than its weaknesses as I already wrote it above. I do believe by continuing this attempt, those states and its communities are able to earn more incomes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
being well-known by countless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door and with more and more tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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