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Some university students move away and live on their own while they are attending school, but others live at home with their family while they are students. Which do you think is a better choice? Give reasons to explain your answer. v.1

Some university students move away and live on their own while they are attending school, but others live at home with their family while they are students. Which do you think is a better choice? Give reasons to explain your answer. v. 1
Being independently when reaching an adulthood is an option that many pupils may take into consideration. While many students opt to live far away from their family, others still choose to stay with their parents. I believe that each option has its own advantages and it depends on each individual to follow their own choice. Being separated from family can strengthen one's sense of responsibility and cultivate their social skills. To be more specific, youngsters may be able to hold accountable for their own living expenses such as the payment of the rented house or the water and electricity bills. During the university time, students are also be able to enhance the interpersonal skills or leverage soft skills to become more well-rounded. It is clear that living by ourshelves are beneficial for students in many ways. However, it will not be denied that for those who make their decision to stay at home with parents can somehow have more convenience and sense of satisfaction. In more detail, pupils who live at their home can save a huge amount of money that would be allocated to the renting and living expenditure if they live on their own. In addition, one significant reason that entice young adult to live with their family is that they can sometimes indulge themselves without being severely punished. For example, a study conducted by the university of Queensland, Australia shows that more than 40 percent of college students involved in the study said that they prefer staying at home to living on campus because they can go back to their home after the curfew hour or turn the music over the night. It seems that opting out homes to live far away may not be more comfortable especially for those who are homebodies. In conclusion, I believe that we cannot consider which choice is superior than the other. It is dependable on each individual that make all the difference and consideration before they enter their university life
Being
independently
when reaching an adulthood is an option that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils may take into consideration. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far away from their family, others
still
choose to stay with their parents. I believe that each option has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and it depends on each individual to follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.

Being separated
from family can strengthen one's sense of responsibility and cultivate their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To be more specific, youngsters may be able to hold accountable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses such as the payment of the rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or the water and electricity bills. During the university time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to enhance the interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or leverage soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to become more well-rounded. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
ourshelves
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

However
, it will not
be denied
that for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decision to stay at home with parents can somehow have more convenience and sense of satisfaction. In more detail, pupils who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
at their home can save a huge amount of money that would
be allocated
to the renting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenditure if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In addition
, one significant reason that entice young adult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their family is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
indulge themselves without being
severely
punished.
For example
, a study conducted by the university of Queensland, Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 40 percent of college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
involved in the study said that they prefer staying at home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on campus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can go back to their home after the curfew hour or turn the music over the night. It seems that opting out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far away may not be more comfortable
especially
for those who are homebodies.

In conclusion
, I believe that we cannot consider which choice is
Some adjectives derived from Latin act as both adjective and comparative. In these cases use the collocation 'to'
superior than
the other. It is dependable on each individual that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all the difference and consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they enter their university
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some university students move away and live on their own while they are attending school, but others live at home with their family while they are students. Which do you think is a better choice? Give reasons to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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