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Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. v. 2
Government has a great influence on people’s life today. It can be seen in educational aspect also. It is believed that the responsibility for providing education should be borne by government and that private education should be banned. It will be proven by discussing the advantages of banning private education and in which circumstances private education can be encouraged. On one hand, the standard of education can be improved by banning private education. For instance, a majority of the private college professors have been taken long leave and working for the private educational institutions, as they pay higher amount of salary than the government offers. This has a huge impact on government institutions. This example clearly illustrates banning private education will improve the standard of education in terms of availability of professors, reduced financial burden on parents and a satisfactory economic level of government. On the other hand, in some special circumstances, it cannot forget the core value of private education. For example, in each state of a country, government educational institutions are disproportional to the number of students. So the admissions are purely based on the academic merits. Here is the vital role of private education. Even though they demand a huge amount of money in the name of donation, parents are willing to enrol their children for the course as there is no other option to study. So it obvious to allow the private education in cases like increased demand for a course, increased number of students and the courses which cannot be run by the government as the financial burden is more. In conclusion, after analysing the pitfalls of private education, it is believed that government has the responsibility to provide the necessary education to the public. It is predicted that, if the government is adhering to the rules and regulations of education, the standard of education can be maintained.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has a great influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in educational aspect
also
. It
is believed
that the responsibility for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be borne
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be banned
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
will
be proven
by discussing the advantages of banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and in which circumstances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
be encouraged
.

On one hand, the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, a majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
college professors have
been taken
long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and working for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
educational institutions, as they pay higher amount of salary than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offers. This has a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
institutions. This example
clearly
illustrates banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in terms of availability of professors,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
financial burden on parents and a satisfactory economic level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special circumstances, it cannot forget the core value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, in each state of a country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
educational institutions are disproportional to the number of students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the admissions are
purely
based on the academic merits. Here is the vital role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Even though
they demand a huge amount of money in the name of donation, parents are willing to enrol their children for the course as there is no other option to study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
obvious to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in cases like increased demand for a course, increased number of students and the courses which cannot
be run
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the financial burden is more.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the pitfalls of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the responsibility to provide the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the public. It
is predicted
that, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is adhering to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
be maintained
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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