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Some people say that leisure activity must be educational otherwise it is waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that leisure activity must be educational otherwise it is waste of time. v. 2
Leisure activities play an important role in our life. This also help in fully growth of children with more preference given to leisure activities. These activities should not related to education at all. I disagree with the statement, education is not everything in our life. Leisure activities are also required to live our life properly. However, children are on developing stage and they perform nemerous activity to make themselves well in every field of life. It also help in improving brain power, which is necessary for education. So not give preference to education in every field of life. Every types of activities in our life help them to enhancement of the knowledge related to activities they perform. Leisure activities help them in physical development. So it is not consider as wastage of time. Leisure activities help in both physical as well as mental function of children. Education also play an important role in our life. It make the person smart and also enhance the personality in their society. Education make the man capable for earn money for fulfill their food and basic requirement. In leisure activities they did not spend lot of time on playing computer games and other outdoor activities. They cannot give attention on their study properly. Every child has different talent inside them as well they required the specific time for their talent to come forward. Like, Sachin Tendulkar in their childhood they spend lot of time on playing cricket as well as to learn new skills of this game. Today, all the world know about their hard work and success in the field of cricket. In the epilogue, every activity has a different advantages and play vital role in children Life. So, every parents listen the interest of their child to help their child according to their child interest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in
fully
growth of children with more preference
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "relate"
related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at all.

I disagree with the statement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not everything in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
also
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
properly
.
However
, children are on developing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stage and
they perform
Possible spelling mistake found.
nemerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in every field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
in improving brain power, which is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
not give preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in every field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "type"?
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to enhancement of the knowledge related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they perform.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in physical development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is not
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
as wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in both physical as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as mental function of children.

Education
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
Did you mean "makes"?
make
the person smart and
also
enhance the personality in their society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "makes".
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
capable for earn money for fulfill their food and basic requirement. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they did not spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on playing computer games and other outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They cannot give attention on their study
properly
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent inside them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
they required the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their talent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward. Like,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
in their childhood they spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on playing cricket as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of this game.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, all the world know about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and success in the field of cricket.

In the epilogue, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
advantages and play vital role in children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
listen the interest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
interest.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that leisure activity must be educational otherwise it is waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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