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Counties such as China, India and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some su v.4

Counties such as China, India and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some su v. 4
Since earth resources are scarce, and only a limited number of people live in dignity without facing poverty or famines. Decreasing reproduction rates in overcrowded countries like China, India may improve whole countries life standard. In the beginning of this century, the development of a country mainly relied on its industrial revolution which is parallel to labour force. To achieve this many countries promoted reproduction, so called “generation boom” to increase their population that can join the workforce. But this reproductive politics get out of control in some countries like china and india, moreover, technology re-shaped industries, and with this new revolution, less manpower is needed. This leads to unemployment, poverty, under education, which puts the following generations into a viscous cycle. To break this circle, decreasing reproduction, promoting birth control and educating people on it would be beneficial. In addition to this, those population who is unemployed and uneducated, disturbs the social welfare of the whole population. There are increased diseases, crime, and pollution. On the other hand in some of the developed countries like Japan, opposite scenario is valid, namely: aging. The young people in japan are so busy with their jobs, are mostly depressed and burnt out, so that they don' t marry and reproduce. This in turn puts the total society in danger, in fact a research showed that in year 2050 almost 2 out of 3 people in japan will be more than 65 years old. So the labour force is decreased so much that they can not supply the whole country. There are some European countries with similar risks about future population distribution. To sum up, although over-population can lead to unemployment, poverty, and crime and threatens social well being, aging of a country can be as worrisome as over-population if not planned properly.
Since earth resources are scarce, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in dignity without facing poverty or famines. Decreasing reproduction rates in overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like China, India may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
whole
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
life standard.

In the beginning of this century, the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
mainly
relied on its industrial revolution which is parallel to
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force. To achieve this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
promoted reproduction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called “generation boom” to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this reproductive politics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of control in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
,
moreover
, technology re-shaped industries, and with this new revolution, less manpower
is needed
. This leads to unemployment, poverty, under education, which puts the following generations into a viscous cycle. To break this circle, decreasing reproduction, promoting birth control and educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on it would be beneficial.

In addition
to this, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
who
is unemployed
and uneducated, disturbs the social welfare of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. There
are increased
diseases, crime, and pollution.

On the other hand
in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Japan, opposite scenario is valid,
namely
: aging. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in japan are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their jobs, are
mostly
depressed and burnt out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t marry and reproduce. This in turn puts the total society in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, in fact
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in year 2050 almost 2 out of 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in japan will be more than 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force
is decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they can not supply the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
about future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
distribution.

To sum up, although over-population can lead to unemployment, poverty, and crime and threatens social
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, aging of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be as worrisome as over-population if not planned
properly
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Counties such as China, India and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some su v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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