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Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities v.1

Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities v. 1
While some individuals give preferences to reside in hotter regions, there are others who think that living in colder areas is more comfortable and pleasant. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I personally go with the former perspective. To begin with, the advocates of the hotter weather claim that there are plenty of advantages of residing in warm weather. Because they get ample of opportunities to visit several other places and further can enjoy the outdoor sports such as swimming, basketball, and many more. For instance, in my city, Kaithal there is a sports stadium where children take advantage of a variety of sports and fitness activities in the summer season because such games can be easily learned in a dry climate. This way individuals get a chance to explore their interest of different sports in the hot temperature conditions. However, the opponents of the argument believe that lower temperature is much more advantageous. Since in colder regions people are attracted towards ice sports such ice skating, skiing and snow fighting as well, therefore it is generally seen that residents of moderate areas often plan trips for hilly regions. To cite an example, in India, tourists from distinct parts of the country visit Shimla which is a cold place and known for their peaceful atmosphere. Thus a vast majority of people prefer to stay in the valley just because of the calm and beautiful weather. In conclusion, whether to survive in high or low temperature environment has become a controversial issue. A large part of the community wants to settle in hotter regions due to availability of outdoor sports whereas another enjoys colder ones. But I firmly opine in living in areas where there is a tremendous amount of sunlight instead of harsh cold climate.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals give preferences to reside in hotter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that living in colder areas is more comfortable and pleasant. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the former perspective.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the advocates of the hotter weather claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages of residing in warm weather.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ample of opportunities to visit several other places and
further
can enjoy the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming, basketball, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
For instance
, in my city,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kaithal
there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadium where children take advantage of a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and fitness activities in
Consider using "summer".
the summer season
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such games can be
easily
learned in a dry climate. This way individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to explore their interest of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the hot temperature conditions.

However
, the opponents of the argument believe that lower temperature is much more advantageous. Since in colder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are attracted
towards ice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such ice skating, skiing and snow fighting
as well
,
therefore
it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that residents of moderate areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
plan trips for hilly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
. To cite an example, in India, tourists from distinct parts of the country visit
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shimla
which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
place and known for their peaceful atmosphere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to stay in the valley
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the calm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
weather.

In conclusion
, whether to survive in high or low temperature environment has become a controversial issue. A large part of the community wants to settle in hotter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
due to availability of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
whereas another enjoys colder ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
firmly
opine in living in areas where there is a tremendous amount of sunlight
instead
of harsh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
climate.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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