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Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. v. 1
Nowadays, in order to increase the production or output several companies insisting their employees to perform the extended working hours. Some peoples believe that the countries which appreciate the prolonged working duration may become wealthier than those who don’t. I totally disagree the notion of doing labor beyond the normal hours for achieving the economical advancement. This essay will discuss the impact caused by additional production duration in human and the factors of getting monetary benefits within the normal working time with relevant examples. Firstly, the longer employment duration will lead to multiple health issues, rather than good output. If the person spend most of the time in their workplace may end up with lack of time to spend with their family and can’t able to do any exercise to keep their body fit. As a result, it makes them more stressful and even it may increase the blood pressure too. Moreover, due to this kind of sickness, even after the long working hours, they can’t deliver a good productive result. A recent survey in Japan states that the majority of the employees prefer to have several vacations and workshops to relieve their stress due to longer employment hours. Hence compelling the human to work for long hours will not benefit at any cause. On the other hand, utilizing the modern technology along with human work force may increase the product delivery, and it will be likely to boost the economy. The developed countries like USA, Germany & France are utilizing the artificial intelligence to reduce the work load on employees and such strategy will definitely provide the good result without working extended duration. Moreover, those countries are motivating their employees to maintain the work and life balance, to make them more enthusiastic toward their job. The automobile manufacturing association in Germany confirms that their production got increased upon implementing the work life balance system to the employees. Therefore, the economy can be improved, with the short span of working time, with the support of productive humans and along with current technical advancements. To conclude, it is not necessary to perform the job for long time to improve the companies or countries economy, whereas it can be attained with the help of healthy staff and modern technology.
Nowadays, in order to increase the production or output several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
insisting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to perform the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
peoples believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which appreciate the prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
may become wealthier than those who don’t. I
totally
disagree the notion of doing labor beyond the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for achieving the economical advancement. This essay will discuss the impact caused by additional production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and the factors of getting monetary benefits within the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with relevant examples.

Firstly
, the longer employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
will lead to multiple health issues,
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
output. If the person spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their workplace may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their family and can’t able to do any exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more stressful and even it may increase the blood pressure too.
Moreover
, due to this kind of sickness, even after the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, they can’t deliver a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
productive result. A recent survey in Japan states that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
prefer to have several vacations and workshops to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to longer employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
compelling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
will not benefit at any cause.

On the other hand
, utilizing the modern technology along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force may increase the product delivery, and it will be likely to boost the economy. The developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, Germany & France are utilizing the artificial intelligence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and such strategy will definitely provide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are motivating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life balance, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more enthusiastic toward their job. The automobile manufacturing association in Germany confirms that their production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
increased upon implementing the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance system to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Therefore
, the economy can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, with the short span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, with the support of productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technical advancements.

To conclude
, it is not necessary to perform the job for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economy, whereas it can
be attained
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of healthy staff and modern technology.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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