Some people say that in all levels of education too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree? v.3
Some people say that in all levels of education too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.  v. 3
Learning history is by far the most decisive factor among students. Some people agree that students should be taught local history than world history. This essay will outline with this statement. This is because, student has to comment past and future events by the help of history, and It will be develop his opinion about world.
First of all, it is true that nation's history allows school children to understand the past, and gives an idea at the present time. They can learn important information from their grandfathers, teachers or especially historical places. For example, there is an activity that Turkish school children are taken to Anıtkabir, Çanakkale which are significant for Turkish Nation. What is more, students can better know their ancestors what they did past, and what we should do. As a result, this situation might have had deeply effect on them to adopt his country’s value.
On the other hand, studying in world instead of local history might bring numerous bad effects. This information must give students, but they must be limited. When they get knowledge, people can ignore their history, and feel a plenty of admiration another country’s past. To illustrate, any country does not want to teach history of fascism in school. The reason is that they are scared to influence students who like to become a Hitler or Benito Mussolini.
In conclusion, I firmly agree that students should spend more time in nation history instead of history of world because that will change your idea where my country position is in the world, and improve judge skills. 
Learning  
history
 is by far the most decisive factor among  
students
.  
Some
  people
  agree
 that  
students
 should  
be taught
 local  
history
 than  
world
  history
. This essay will outline with this statement. This is  
because
,  
student
  has to
 comment  
past
 and future  
events
 by the  
help
 of  
history
, and It will be  
develop
 his opinion about world. 
First of all
, it is true that nation's  
history
  allows
 school children to understand the  
past
, and gives an  
idea
 at the present time. They can learn  
important
 information from their grandfathers, teachers or  
especially
 historical places.  
For example
, there is an activity that Turkish school children  
are taken
 to  
Anıtkabir
,  
Çanakkale
 which are significant for Turkish Nation.  
What is more
,  
students
 can better know their ancestors what they did  
past
, and what we should do.  
As a result
, this situation might have had  
deeply
 effect on them to adopt his  
country’s
 value. 
On the other hand
, studying in  
world
  instead
 of local  
history
 might bring numerous  
bad
 effects. This information  
must
 give  
students
,  
but
 they  
must
  be limited
. When they  
get
 knowledge,  
people
 can  
ignore
 their  
history
, and feel a  
plenty
 of admiration another  
country’s
  past
. To illustrate, any  
country
 does not want to teach  
history
 of fascism in school. The reason is that they  
are scared
 to influence  
students
 who like to become a Hitler or Benito Mussolini. 
In conclusion
, I  
firmly
  agree
 that  
students
 should spend more time in nation  
history
  instead
 of  
history
 of  
world
  because
 that will  
change
 your  
idea
 where my  
country
 position is in the  
world
, and  
improve
 judge  
skills
. 
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes