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Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v.2

Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v. 2
It is true that being the first to buy a new product made by a renowned brand will give customers the enjoyment of the thrill of having something before others. They tend to drive their social status by knowing the latest and the greatest in what is happening in the tech space. This is the reason why there are those who would always want to buy the newest products of technology. However, for every action, there is always a positive and negative effect as it will now be discussed. For others, buying latest products made by technology will make them the first to gain social status and for them, this is a good thing. For instance is the purchasing of the new Apple iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 plus released by the Apple Company in March this year. For those who bought it first tend to drive their social status by knowing the latest-and-greatest technology happenings. They enjoy the thrill of having something before others, of knowing details what is happening and partaking in the community of the world of technology. Therefore, they think this is an advantage. However, wanting to buy the newest technology-released products every time can be frustrating to others when they don’t have the budget to purchase such. For example, one poor enthusiastic college student taking up an architectural course wanted to buy a new desktop computer to help him in his studies but his parents cannot afford it. As a result, the student lost his enthusiasm to study hard and even got a failing mark. This is a negative effect when want cannot be achieved. In conclusion, it is nice to be the first to have something new, but it can be saddening as well if you do not get what you want. So after analysing the positive and negative effect of wanting to have something first is certainly not a good thing and I would never recommend it.
It is true that being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
made by a renowned brand will give customers the enjoyment of the thrill of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
others. They tend to drive their social status by knowing the latest and the greatest in what is happening in the tech space. This is the reason why there are those who would always want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
, for every action, there is always a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be discussed
.

For others, buying
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
to gain social status and for them, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
For instance
is the purchasing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Apple iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 plus released by the Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
in March this year.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
Did you mean "tends"?
tend
to drive their social status by knowing the latest-and-greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
happenings. They enjoy the thrill of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
others, of knowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
what is happening and partaking in the community of the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is an advantage.

However
, wanting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the newest technology-released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
every time can be frustrating to others when they don’t have the budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
such.
For example
, one poor enthusiastic college student taking up an architectural course wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
desktop computer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in his studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his parents cannot afford it.
As a result
, the student lost his enthusiasm to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a failing mark. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect when want cannot
be achieved
.

In conclusion
, it is nice to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be saddening
as well
if you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what you want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of wanting to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
is
certainly
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing and I would never recommend it.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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