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TPO 28 Task 2Do you agree or disagree the following statement: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v.1

TPO 28 Task 2: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v. 1
Many businesses choose an array of techniques to enhance the procurement of their merchandise. Firstly this essay will discuss how using the power of TV advertising can be effective and secondly, will discuss the use of social media as the most effective marketing tool. On the one hand, many companies rely on advertisements, on TV, social media, google adwords and billboards in order to make their products well known. Once of the most popular methods - TV commercials often feature famous actors, sports stars and other well-known personalities, to try and persuade people to buy products, as fans of these people will be more likely to buy something that they are endorsing. For instance, a report by Procter and Gamble Philippines in 2017 revealed that their sales of detergent products reached an all-time high when they chose Kris Aquino as their product endorser. On the other hand, the most effective modern method of advertising is online. Companies spend billions on Google Adwords and marketing through social media. The companies who use this method, are pushing their products in front of a huge audience, as social media apps are more widely used and downloaded than any TV station. They also have the chance of the product post going viral and being shared millions of times, which then promotes itself. For example, a study by the Philippine Business Club in 2015 reported that Twitter has been an effective tool in launching new products to the age group 18-25 since most young people are active on social media. In conclusion, there are varieties of practices that can make a product popular with its consumers. The use of social media is the most effective tool in advertising in 2018 for it can reach all people in any part of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
businesses choose an array of techniques to enhance the procurement of their merchandise.
Firstly
this essay will discuss how using the power of TV advertising can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
and
secondly
, will discuss the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
marketing tool.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
rely on advertisements, on TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
Google renamed their advertising platform to "Google Ads".
google adwords
and billboards in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
well known. Once of the most popular methods
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
TV commercials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actors, sports stars and other well-known personalities, to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, as fans of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something that they are endorsing.
For instance
, a report by Procter and Gamble Philippines in 2017 revealed that their sales of detergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
reached an all-time high when they chose Kris Aquino as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
endorser.

On the other hand
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
modern method of advertising is online.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
spend billions on
Google renamed their advertising platform to "Google Ads".
Google Adwords
and marketing through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this method, are pushing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in front of a huge audience, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
apps are more
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and downloaded than any TV station. They
also
have the chance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
post going viral and
being shared
millions of times, which then promotes itself.
For example
, a study by the Philippine Business Club in 2015 reported that Twitter has been an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
tool in launching new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the age group 18-25 since most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are active on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

In conclusion
, there are varieties of practices that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
popular with its consumers. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
tool in advertising in 2018 for it can reach all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in any part of the world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 28 Task 2: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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