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Some people say that computer skill should be added to primary school subject in elementary school such as reading writing and math do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people say that computer skill should be added to primary school subject in elementary school such as reading writing and math v. 1
The decision of choosing smaller families over bigger ones is on the rise. While considering such an important matter both parallels and contrasts can be found. Let us look at both aspects in detail. In the current age of inflation, where people work day and night to make both ends meet, financial feasibility is by far the greatest advantage of having smaller families. This implies that lesser expenses are incurred in supporting education and medical of a single child in comparison to a large number of children. Another benefit of small families is that parents can give undivided attention and love to their children, which is not possible with a large number of children. Apart from undivided attention and being easy on one's pocket, limited children bring a multitude of disadvantages with them. The most evident drawback of fewer children is limited support system. Surely, a single child will not have any sibling that he can reach out for help. While the child is growing up, he longs for sibling love and company. The same void is felt as the children grow up. They are devoid of sincere help and suggestions, during their educational and professional journey and later in their married lives, that only siblings can offer. To conclude, having smaller families has its perks: including cost effectiveness and undivided attention, and drawbacks: such as limited support system. Both of these aspects should be taken into consideration before taking such an important decision of ones life, instead of blindly following the bandwagon
The decision of choosing smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
over bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is on the rise. While considering such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matter both parallels and contrasts can
be found
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us look at both aspects in detail.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
age of inflation, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work day and night to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, financial feasibility is by far the greatest advantage of having smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
This implies that
lesser expenses
are incurred
in supporting education and medical of a single child
in comparison
to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Another benefit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is that parents can give undivided attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which is not possible with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
children.

Apart from undivided attention and being easy on one's pocket, limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bring a multitude of disadvantages with them. The most evident drawback of fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is limited
support system.
Surely
, a single child will not have any sibling that he can reach out for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. While the child is growing up, he longs for sibling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The same void
is felt
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up. They are devoid of sincere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and suggestions, during their educational and professional journey and later in their married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
siblings can offer.

To conclude
, having smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has its perks: including
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
and undivided attention, and drawbacks: such as limited support system. Both of these aspects should
be taken
into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision of
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
life,
instead
of
blindly
following the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
bandwagon
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people say that computer skill should be added to primary school subject in elementary school such as reading writing and math v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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