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73. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.1

73. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1
We are living in a very fast developing world. It seems to me that we can find and learn many things on a computer with the help of the internet. We are also able to gain much knowledge that books contain. Some people would like to learn through the internet. However, in my opinion, I desire to develop my understanding in traditional school. I will support my choice with the following two main reasons. First of all, I am able to concentrate in my studying much better than without having a teacher. When I studied by myself, or learn online, I did not know how to learn effectively. Moreover, I was often distracted from my studying by a number of entertainments, such as Facebook, games, interesting songs and movies. To be more specific, when I finished high school, I desired to study English, registered a course online; however, when I began, I was not able to practice following my schedule; I missed a lot of lessons. Then, I found a teacher who taught me for two months, so my English skills got better. Second, I can learn both academic knowledge and experience from teachers. There are many teachers with abundant teaching experience who are always willing to instruct and help me in my studying. Moreover, the teachers whom have already gained knowledge will share with me their experiences which I cannot easily to find anywhere else. For example, as I said above, I used to study English by myself, but I did not gain any results, after that I went to a center and studied with a teacher. She taught me how to curve my tongue to have the sound like native speaker. She shared with me her experiences how to think in English and to learn new words effectively. In conclusion, people have different ideas about choosing to study online or traditional school. In my point of view, I prefer studying at traditional school to online.
We are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
developing world. It seems to me that we can find and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things on a computer with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet. We are
also
able to gain much knowledge that books contain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
through the internet.
However
, in my opinion, I desire to develop my understanding in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I will support my choice with the following two main reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I am able to concentrate in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
much better than without having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. When I studied by myself, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, I did not know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
effectively
.
Moreover
, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
distracted from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
by a number of entertainments, such as Facebook, games, interesting songs and movies. To be more specific, when I finished high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I desired to study English, registered a course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
;
however
, when I began, I was not able to practice following my schedule; I missed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
lessons. Then, I found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
who taught me for two months,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better.

Second, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
both academic knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
with abundant teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
who are always willing to instruct and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
whom have already gained knowledge will share with me their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which I cannot
easily
to find anywhere else.
For example
, as I said above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study English by myself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I did not gain any results, after that I went to a center and studied with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. She taught me how to curve my tongue to have the sound like native speaker. She shared with me her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in English and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new words
effectively
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about choosing to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my point of view, I prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay 73. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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