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Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults v. 2
In this day and age, most of the parents are giving their child allowances that can be use for their expenses. Which has a lot of positive effect when they grow up, I agree to this notion that kids would learn to value money if they get hold to it at a young age. To start with, younglings are being taught by their guardians how to manage their finances. At their young age they are already having financial allowances in a weekly basis to support their needs in terms of school activities. Like school projects, excursions and extra-curricular activities which can give a child a beneficial result on how they could budget their money in a useful way. Another, is that they could save some of their cash if they would not use it which could also be use when they need to buy something they need in the near future. In addition, upbringing children about finances at a young age would also mean that they would value their hard earned money in the future. In the sense that they would not spend their cash on useless things which could hurt them financially or even get them broke. As well as learn to be self dependent when they become adult. This will be one of the best key aspect that they could acquire that would lead them to become a successful professional not just in a career but also how they manage their own life. In summary, I firmly agree to the notion that kids nowadays should be given pocket money. In order for them value money but also be able to learn how to become an independent person when they become an adult in the near future.
In this day and age, most of the parents are giving their child allowances that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for their expenses. Which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect when they grow up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this notion that kids would learn to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hold to it at a young age.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
younglings
are
being taught
by their guardians how to manage their finances. At their young age they are already having financial allowances in a weekly basis to support their needs in terms of school activities. Like school projects, excursions and extra-curricular activities which can give a child a beneficial result on how they could budget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in a useful way" with the adverb for "useful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a useful way
. Another, is that they could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their cash if they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it which could
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
when they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something they need in the near future.

In addition
, upbringing children about finances at a young age would
also
mean that they would value their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the future. In the sense that they would not spend their cash on useless things which could hurt them
financially
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them broke.
As well
as learn to be self dependent when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
adult. This will be one of the best key aspect that they could acquire that would lead them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a successful professional not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how they manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.

In summary, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the notion that kids nowadays should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In order for them value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be able to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an independent person when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult in the near future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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