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Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults v. 1
In the modern era, the trend of changing struggle has been become very common by the people. The working conditions are not remained stable as compared to the past. Individuals do not job long season in their jobs for the good life. There are several reasons for these changes. The upcoming paragraphs will not only examine the causes, but also how people can prepare for the task in the future. Since the number of people change their jobs, they always depend on the technology. To cite an example, as we know that life people had lots of interest in their jobs in the past growth, as that moment people had no any gadgets which they could use for their trial except for computers. They worked hard and they were happy with this way. On the other side, the way of working has varied due to scientific innovation. Technology has made many machines for people of working, as individuals utilize machines for heavy work. In this way they lost interest in their jobs. Therefore, the proportion of changing the job has become very popular than before. Apart from it, people change their your due to the basic needs. All things which available in the word, that has become basic necessary things for the people like foods, clothes, shelters. If a person earns little money from their the task, they alert their jobs for the money because without the money they are not able to achieve these basic needs. On the flip side, there is some solution how people should prepare for work in the planned. Firstly, those people who follow their celebrities, they think in their mind to become popular. I suggest that they should not follow, because some people belong to impoverished families. Their family cannot afford their needs. So people should set their goals in a range. Besides this, in preparing for getting employment in the forthcoming, people should industry on their social skills are such as communications, team works and sharing ideas which will help in preparing the task in the prospective. To conclude, it could be said that technology, economic problems, basic needs are reasons for changing the task of conditions and keep them in a busy heart. Social skills and set goals in a range and others will be beneficial for preparing the task in the planned.
In the modern era, the trend of changing struggle has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The working conditions are not remained stable as compared to the past. Individuals do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
long season in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life. There are several reasons for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. The upcoming paragraphs will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
examine the causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
in the future.

Since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they always depend on the technology. To cite an example, as we know that life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had lots of interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the past growth, as that moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any gadgets which they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for their trial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
computers. They worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and they were happy with this way. On the other side, the way of working has varied due to scientific innovation. Technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
machines for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of working, as individuals utilize machines for heavy work. In this way they lost interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
, the proportion of changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use "(popular)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
popular
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their your due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs. All things which available in the word, that has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
necessary things for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like foods, clothes, shelters. If a person earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money from their the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
, they alert their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without the money they are not able to achieve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs.

On the flip side, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should prepare for work in the planned.
Firstly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who follow their celebrities, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in their mind to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
popular. I suggest that they should not follow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belong to impoverished families. Their family cannot afford their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should set their goals in a range.
Besides
this, in preparing for getting employment in the forthcoming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The word 'industry' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should industry
on their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are such as communications, team works and sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
in the prospective.

To conclude
, it could
be said
that technology, economic problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs are reasons for changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
of conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in a busy heart. Social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and set goals in a range
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
will be beneficial for preparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
in the planned.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that children given pocket money every week will have lesser money problems when they become adults v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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