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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don’t really need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.3

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don’t really need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 3
While it is thought by some that people would buy unnecessary products due to the advertisement’s influence, others consider that advertising informs the public about the alternatives which may make their lives more prosperous. From my perspective, advertising should be regulated to maximize its benefits. On the one hand, to promote a product, companies use celebrities to manipulate the public. To illustrate, stars are glamorous, and they have an enormous influence on people. They aim to persuade the audience that buying this product, will make them happier as it made them. Consequently, many people would blindly believe these products and their benefits as advertised, even without doing a proper study about the product’s ingredients and reviews. On the other hand, without advertising people would have fewer choices. Through advertisements, companies can tell people about their products, services and even modified ones which may be changed to ease lives. For instance, most people use cell phones, but new types and modifications of phone’s service become available all the time. Thus, by advertisements, people would be up-to-date with any new which could improve their lives. Finally, in my opinion, advertisements are an essential part of modern business and should be controlled properly. Governments can enforce strict rules on advertisers as providing a complete image of the product and censor products that are harmful. For example, advertising should not be marketed in a way that attracts children and women; otherwise, it would be banned. Furthermore, every person should be aware of differentiating useful and useless products; therefore, they would only buy their essential requirements. To conclude, advertisements are a double-edged sword. They should be monitored to accomplish beneficial purposes which can enhance people’s lifestyle.
While it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement’s
influence, others consider that advertising informs the public about the alternatives which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more prosperous. From my perspective, advertising should
be regulated
to maximize its benefits.

On the one hand, to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
celebrities to manipulate the public. To illustrate, stars are glamorous, and they have an enormous influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They aim to persuade the audience that buying this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier as it made them.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
blindly
believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and their benefits as advertised, even without doing a proper study about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product’s
ingredients and reviews.

On the other hand
, without advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have fewer choices. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, services and even modified ones which may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cell phones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
new types and modifications of phone’s service become available all the time.
Thus
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be up-to-date with any new which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Finally
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are an essential part of modern business and should
be controlled
properly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can enforce strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on advertisers as providing a complete image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and censor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are harmful.
For example
, advertising should not
be marketed
in a way that attracts children and women;
otherwise
, it would
be banned
.
Furthermore
, every person should be aware of differentiating useful and useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
therefore
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their essential requirements.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are a double-edged sword. They should
be monitored
to accomplish beneficial purposes which can enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don’t really need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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