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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v.43

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 43
Promotion of new products is appealing to customers. People watch them in electronic media and in newspapers and feel that it will be useful for their needs. On the other hand, we often waste our money and time after observing fascinating advertisement. In my opinion, it is useful for market trends. The advertisement has multidimensional impacts on economics and society, its benefits overweight disadvantages. Most of the people do not like the monotonous life. They keep on changing their surroundings and personality. The requirement of humans changes with their ages. The advertisement is the method to introduce new products to people. Every person is busy in his day to day routine and they do not have enough time to wonder in shops and malls. Moreover through different media, one can see his favourite models in a good mood for describing the advantages of products. Few media heads do not keep an eye over the validity of the information given in the description of promotion. Young people like their heroes like mentors and follow their footprints. In third world countries, health hazard products like cigarette are being advertised.   As a result, man will buy the things which he does not need currently.   These new purchase will be made at the cost of many other useful objects which he may be requiring actually. In conclusion, advertisements are very useful for boosting the economy and it helps people to seek accurate products. A government should maintain the standard of promoting the products and injurious things must be banned on media.
Promotion of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is appealing to customers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them in electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and in newspapers and feel that it will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for their needs.
On the other hand
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
waste our money and time after observing fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. In my opinion, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for market trends. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has multidimensional impacts on economics and society, its benefits overweight disadvantages.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like the monotonous life. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on changing their surroundings and personality. The requirement of humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with their ages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is the method to introduce new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Every person is busy in his
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
routine and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to wonder in shops and malls.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
models in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood for describing the advantages of products.

Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
heads do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye over the validity of the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the description of promotion. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like their heroes like mentors and follow their footprints. In third world countries, health hazard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like cigarette are
being advertised
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things which he does not need
currently
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
These new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
will
be made
at the cost of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
objects which he may be requiring actually.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for boosting the economy and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to seek accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should maintain the standard of promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and injurious things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 43

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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