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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v.40

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 40
I think that everyone can divide all advertising products and services into useless ones and useful ones. It is like looking through an information desk when you pay attention to those messages that interest you. Take me for example. I do not like jewellery. It does not mean I do not have it at all, I have a couple of inexpensive rings as gifts from my parents. I just think people pay too much attention to this stuff. I believe it is the result of mass advertising. Every day when I am watching TV, listening to the radio or reading the paper I notice many ads about getting an expensive ring, chain, necklace or earrings. From my point of view, these kinds of advertising contaminate people's minds. In this case, you are encouraged to buy things you do not really need. They make you believe you need such products in order to succeed or be happy. From the other side, I think that advertisements of the new detergents with up-to-date formulas to help you maintain your cloth in perfect conditions, the new cars with some extra futures that make your travelling more comfortable and sports goods that make your life healthier may help you to improve your life. Recently my husband and I saw an ad on the Internet about a very interesting and inexpensive vacation to Japan for a week. Is not it awesome? We like travelling. So now we are planning to find out more about it and, maybe, make reservations. I believe that, without advertisements, we would be unaware about plenty of opportunities that may make our life happier, easier and less stressful. My point is that every person has his own scale of values. So if he is vegetarian he will consider an ad about meat products useless for him.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone can divide all advertising products and services into useless ones and useful ones. It is like looking through an information desk when you pay attention to those messages that interest you. Take me
for example
.

I do not like
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
. It does not mean I do not have it at all, I have a couple of inexpensive rings as gifts from my parents. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pay too much attention to this stuff. I believe it is the result of mass advertising. Every day when I am watching TV, listening to the radio or reading the paper I notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ads about getting an expensive ring, chain, necklace or earrings. From my point of view, these kinds of advertising contaminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's minds.
In this case
, you
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things you do not
really
need. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you believe you need such products in order to succeed or be happy.

From the other side, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertisements of the new detergents with up-to-date formulas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you maintain your cloth in perfect conditions, the new cars with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra futures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your travelling more comfortable and sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your life healthier may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your life.

Recently my husband and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an ad on the Internet about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and inexpensive vacation to Japan for a week. Is not
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
awesome? We like travelling.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are planning to find out more about it and, maybe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
reservations. I believe that, without advertisements, we would be unaware about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities that may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our life happier, easier and less stressful.

My point is that every person has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
scale of values.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if he is vegetarian he will consider an ad about meat products useless for him.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 40

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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